


Abandoned

by Okhili



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BDSM, Cross-Generation Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Master/Pet, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-30 18:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10169378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okhili/pseuds/Okhili
Summary: After Harry and Ron leave abandon her in the middle of the woods, Hermione turns to the only person she thinks she can trust.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not, nor sadly ever be, the wonderful J.K. Rowling, goddess of writing. I am however borrowing her characters. I gain nothing for my stories except the kind words of my wonderful readers.
> 
> A/N: For those of you who were with me as I wrote Forced Beginnings you already know that my posting is kinda sporadic and unfortunately that has not changed. I write as the muse strikes and post as each chapter comes together. I have no idea yet where this story will take me or end up and so I invite you all to comment any suggestions or ideas on where you would like to see the story go. 
> 
> A/N2: I want to also thank everyone who read Forced Beginnings and voted on my next project. The other prompts are not off the table but I will be focusing on this story as much as possible.

December 29th, 1997

  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sat silent beneath a heavy blanket of snow. The castle loomed ominously in the darkness with only the odd window lit here and there. Not surprising since the school was still on holiday, most students fled home, and the fact that it was half past three in the morning. The skies were overcast, the moon casting long shadows in the glittering snow one moment, then the clouds obscuring everything in darkness the next.

  
It was during one of these dark moments that Whomping Willow started to stir slightly, casting falling sheets of snow to the ground with quiet whumps, before it straightened rigidly. It would have only taken a very keen observer to notice the difference in the dark. If there was such an observer, he would have had an even more difficult time seeing the dark figure who emerged from under the tree into the black night.

  
The mysterious figure quickly made their way towards the castle, away from the tree before it recovered from its temporary paralysis. The moon chose this moment to peak from behind the clouds as the night time visitor made it to a safe distance and quickly turned to cover the deep trenches in the snow that had been left in their wake. After all hint of their passing was smoothed, the individual continued quickly and silently towards the side of the castle, this time their foot step were wiped clean in a shimmer of magic behind them as they walked.

  
The dark figure soon came to a small side door and reached up to make sure their hood was still in place before casting a quick silencing spell on the hinges of the door and easing it open just enough to squeeze inside. No hint of their passing remained in fallen snow.

  
As soon as the door was safely shut behind them the intruder quickly spelled the snow off their clothes and cast a quick drying spell. It wouldn't do to leave a trail of water for anyone to follow. Finally dry and snow free the silent intruder sped on muffled feet towards the Headmaster's office. 

Keeping to the shadows and casting furtive glances every few steps slowed down their movement but it still only took a few minutes for the interloper to reach the stone gargoyle protecting the entrance to the office of one Headmaster Severus Snape. Another furtive look up and down the hall to make sure the coast was clear, and then the cautious person raised a hidden wand and cast a barely whispered muffliato spell. The figure turned to the gargoyle and whispered in a low voice, "Please tell the Headmaster there is someone to see him. It's a matter of utmost urgency."

The stone gargoyle blinked once and the figure quickly stepped into the shadows across the way blending into the darkness. It was only a matter of moments when the gargoyle stepped aside casting a bright glare of light across the hidden intruder, before the light was blocked by the imposing figure of the Headmaster. 

The silent person quickly reached up and tugged the hood of their cloak down further, hiding in the recesses, but not fast enough. A look of pure shock crossed the usually sneering countenance of the Headmaster. It only lasted a moment though before he sent a searching look up and down the hall before beckoning the unexpected visitor to follow him. Quickly he turned, hearing the soft footsteps of his 'guest' following closely behind him as he walked swiftly back into his office. As soon as the 'guest' came into the room he quickly cast various privacy spells over windows, doors, and even the fireplace before turning back to the silent creature standing nervously in front of him.

"Miss Granger, what an... unexpected surprise." Severus finally addressed the person in front of him who finally lowered the hood of her cloak. Her bushy hair was wilder than ever, caught back into what might have been a bun at one point but was now a knotted mess on the back of her head, littered with what looked like leaves and twigs. Her face was sallow, sunken, as if she hadn't had a good meal in months (which he supposed she hadn't). Her eyes however were still as clear and bright as he remembered, though now they were filled with fear, hurt, and the smallest glimmer hidden in their depths that Severus could not place. 

He felt a pang in his chest at the sight of the bedraggled and weary girl standing still before him. He didn't know exactly what they had been up to in the last months following Voldemort's rise to power (the portrait of Phineas Black could only tell him so much), but it looked like she had been through hell. It showed in the dirt crusted cracked nails on her fingers, the worry lines already forming on her young face. Her already delicate features where now pinched, her cheek bones a testament to too many days without proper food. Her robe covered most of her body still and Severus was glad to be spared, at least for the moment, to see how thin she must have become, and how baggy her already small clothes had to be on her small frame. He felt another small pang of regret that anyone, especially her, would have to go through so much so young. He forced the regret down, burying it under the anger, the fear he was feeling at her coming here of all places.

"Please Headmaster Snape, I come begging sanctuary. They left me and now I have nowhere else to go." 

Tears swam in the big brown eyes that stared unflinching into his own. He didn't know what had happened between her and the two idiots but it must have been big if she was standing here now. However his anger at her and his fear towards her had him sneering at her. 

"You say you have nowhere else to go? So you come here? To a Death Eater riddled school to the ask the murderer of Albus Dumbledore for what? Sanctuary?" Severus let out a bark of bitter laughter. "What did you expect? That just because I was once your professor I would welcome you with open arms? That the Dark Lord's right hand man would hide you away and keep you safe?"

Severus watched as he belittled the girl. He expected her to flinch at his biting questions. Instead he saw resolution stiffen her spine as she met his gaze steadily. 'Foolish girl. She should never have come here. For all she knows my words are true. For all she knows, I am a loyal follower of him. Why did she risk everything to come to me, the greatest traitor of all time?'

"Because, sir, I saw you that night." Severus stilled. There were many nights she could be thinking of, but which one? He waited, staring at her with his cold indifferent mask firmly in place. She straightened even more, puffing out her chest in righteous conviction as she continued. "I saw you just three nights ago in the woods. It was you who cast that Patronus that lead Harry to the sword. It was you who put the sword there to be found in the first place. What ever happened between you and Dumbledore that night on the Astronomy tower is between you and him. I know there is more to the story than what Harry saw. I know that you are not the big bad Death Eater you claim to be. I also know that the best place for a spy to be is at the side of the man he is trying to take down. All the little things clicked into place that night as I saw you follow Harry, because I was following you. I saw you go to protect him. I saw you step forward to help him when he didn't surface from the pond right away. I saw you hide again when Ron stepped forward. You waited Professor, until you knew they were both alright before you Apparated away." At this point she drew a great breath. Her gaze was steel and her words strong, unwavering. "I knew that I could trust you. That is why I came. That is why I am here asking 'the right hand of the Dark Lord' for protection. It's because I know that of all the people out there that, you are the only one I am absolutely sure I can trust."


	2. Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Am not and sadly shall never be the great J.K. Rowling. I am simply borrowing her characters for no gain of my own.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to everyone who had read and commented or left kudos. I am truly blessed to have so much support.

Severus felt himself grow paler with each word she threw at him, her own anger at his belittling coloring her words. He felt humbled in her presence. Out of everyone it was this little slip of a girl who had seen through his ruse. The other teachers had been his so called friends for years and even they had turned on him, refusing to look any further than the surface. No, they had all taken the word of a scared little boy and not thought to even ask him his side. Not that they were supposed to do anything else but it had still hurt when not even one of them had even doubted the stupid boy. It was only this insufferable little know it all who had worked it out while on the run. She was probably on some grand mission, fighting everyday to work out the old man's cryptic clues (if his own experience was anything to go by), while keeping the three of them alive, AND dealing with the drama of living with two teenage boys. But she had taken the time to think about him, and she spent enough time to work out the truth. Yet even as warm feelings for the girl threatened to overwhelm him, his fear had him lashing out.

"You foolish girl. You have it all worked out do you? You think you know everything because you saw someone who looked like me that night? How grand. The insufferable little know it all who can recite an obscure text verbatim but never had an original thought in her life, thinks she can trust me. You know nothing! You should never have come here." Severus spit the icy words at her, and yet instead of satisfaction he felt a flicker of sadness when she flinched at his intentionally cruel words. Severus sneered at her, steeling himself for her inevitable rejection. Surely now she would leave and quickly, for now she must regret ever thinking of turning to him. 

His sneer faltered however when instead of backing down and slipping away, the chit straightened to her full, if still short, height and stared him straight in the eye. Her words were cool, even as she spoke but Severus could hear the fury barely restrained beneath her outwardly calm exterior.

"Never an original thought of my own you say? So when I was twelve and figured out your little logic puzzle, that came from a book? Or when I was thirteen and figured out that the monster terrorizing the school was a basilisk months before anyone else, even though all teachers had access to the same information as me, it was simple memorization that led me to figure out what the creature was and how it was getting around? How about at fourteen when I was the only student to realize that Remus was a werewolf after your little stunt? I had a slow year fourth year but then at sixteen it was my idea to start Dumbledore's Army so that the students would be able to pass their Defense OWLs and be able to protect themselves if needed. Last year before going on the run it was me who cast the spells to protect my parents since nobody seemed to remember that Harry's family would not be the only ones in danger. It was me who kept us alive over the last few months. I am the one who figured out Dumbledore's clues. However you are right, Headmaster, I have never had an original thought in my life. None whatsoever." 

Severus had stood in shocked silence as she had talked but felt himself stiffening at her last words. They were dripping with sarcasm and punctuated by a heavy eye roll. 'The impertinent chit actually rolled her eyes at me?' Severus found a few found respect for the young woman. For she was a woman now, mature beyond her years with more intelligence than most woman twice her age. He knew the truth of her words as she spoke them though he had refused to acknowledge it before. Yes she was insufferable in the classroom, regurgitating information where it was expected. But even he could see that her use of the knowledge she possessed was both intelligent and creative. He felt a small pang of regret at his previous remarks but quickly shoved the annoying feeling away.

"So you see Headmaster." Severus looked back at her, hiding his shock at her now relaxed posture. "It was not that hard, for someone willing to look, to find the discrepancies in your supposed betrayal. Ever since first year Harry and Ron have been adamant about you being an evil git and every year I have tried to persuade them otherwise only to be proven right in the end. I have never truly doubted you even in the face of my two supposed best friends numerous attempts to persuade me otherwise. Even after Harry told us what you did that night on the Astronomy Tower, I tried to reason with him that there must be more to the story. Unfortunately he was to distraught to listen, not that it ever worked in the past either. Even before seeing you in the forest I doubted your supposed betrayal and after seeing you I knew that you were helping us as best you could. So when the time came that I found myself abandoned by the two people who I trusted most with no where else to go, I knew that there was only one person I could turn to. Someone who would help me, even if he didn't like me. Even if he thought I was nothing more than an insufferable know it all." 

Severus knew he could not turn her away. He was already doing everything he could to protect so many and he could not turn away the one person who actually believed in him. Who trusted him even after having lost the trust of those closest to her. He had to fight to keep his face impassive as the relief of knowing there was someone else who knew the truth flooded him. For she never would have risked coming to him if she hadn't worked it out. He was no longer alone, fighting against the world while fighting for them. There was now someone who knew, who still trusted him after everything. He would not turn her of all people away. How he was going to help her was another matter. 'Maybe I can hide her somehow. She is one small girl in a very large school. Surely there is somewhere to put her out of the way where she will stay safe.'

Severus was pulled from his musings by the amused clearing of a portraits throat. He spun to glare at the offending portrait and his mood darkened further at Albus Dumbledore's knowing look. "Severus, my dear boy, surely you have learned by now that as Headmaster all you must do is ask and the castle will provide. I am sure that the castle would be more than willing to hide Miss Granger if you asked."

Understanding dawned on Severus face as he took in the old coots words. There were many disturbing things he learned upon taking the role of Headmaster. Like how if he focused hard enough he could divine the location of any person on school grounds. Or that he only needed to perform a simple ritual and he could offer sanctuary to any person the castle deems worthy. Severus caught sight of the frail girl as he crossed the room to one of the many bookshelves now placed there. She was staring wide eyed at the portrait of Dumbledore with stony look. Severus frowned, making a mental note to speak to the girl soon about her relationship with the late Headmaster.

Severus turned his attention back to the books in front of him and found the one he was looking for. He quickly found the page detailing the ritual he had in mind. He could explain it to her but knew her well enough to know she would catch on much quicker if he just let her read it. As he passed the book to her she gave him a quick curious glance before bending her head to read. Severus was only able to see the top of her head and again he cringed at the state of her. 

Quickly he looked away, unwilling to dwell on where she had picked up so many twigs and leaves. He didn't want to know where she had also picked up the plaster dust that he now noticed powdering her hair, giving her an even older appearance than her 18 years. Pushing these thoughts aside he quickly moved around the room gathering what he needed for the ritual. He had just set down a small silver athame and pewter chalice when she finally spoke.

"Sir, if I am reading this right, it looks like the Headmaster can petition the castle for sanctuary on another's behalf. It says that if accepted the school will provide for and protect the person as long as they need. What kind of protection could the school provide?" Granger was looking at him with wide questioning eyes as her hunger for knowledge sparked. He recognized the look well. She had it every time she was faced with something new to learn. By the next class she would always know the answers both inside and out. It was a look that any teacher worth their salt craved and did their best to inspire. When they weren't being forced into impossible situations by various mad men. 

"I have never seen Sanctuary invoked before so I do not know precisely how it would work. However, I believe the castle will do everything in its power to keep the person alive. Whether it's simply providing rooms to hide them, or helping them by moving stairs or doors around, I am not sure. Nor do I know how they would go about protecting someone in imminent danger but I do know the castle does have a connection with every painting, suit of armor, and statue within its walls. How the protection will manifest would probably depend on the circumstance." Ah, to finally be able to answer the curious girls questions without having to bark at her to look it up herself. To see the wheels in her mind turning as she absorbed the information that he could now so readily grant her. Although the confusion that was also present at his uncharacteristic openness was not something he enjoyed.

"It also says that the castle must agree to provide Sanctuary. I know that the castle is at least half way sentient, as the stairs attest, but how does one know if the castle agrees if it doesn't talk? And how does it choose who to accept? Has anyone been rejected? After being rejected does the castle turn against them? Could it turn against anyone?" The questions were coming faster and Severus hid a small smile behind his fall of hair as he listened to them. Finally she paused for a breath and he quickly cut in.

"Miss Granger, while your questions are valid, we are running out of time. What answers there are can be found in that book, which I will let you borrow. Anything else would be pure speculation. For now we need to complete the ritual and get you to a safe place before I am required down in the Great Hall for breakfast. Rest assured that the castle will not reject you. It would not have let me know you were here without a password if it didn't already accept you. Only a registered student, which you are not, or a professor would be able to pass a message through the gargoyle standing guard, especially in the middle of the night, unless they were already accepted by the castle itself. Now, I promise to go over any questions you have at a later time, after you have had a chance to do some research of your own. Please come stand over here." Severus knew that time was running short. The Carrows liked to cause untold mischief whenever he didn't make himself present enough and breakfast was fast approaching. Even with most of the children gone for the holiday he still didn't want to give them any reason to cause problems with the rest of the staff.

Thankfully Granger quickly obeyed and came to stand across from him. Without word she turned the book to face him, still open to the page detailing the ritual. This was an older magic than what was currently taught. It involved the proper incantation in tandem with burnt offerings (hawthorn and rosemary). It also asked for a blood sacrifice from him as Headmaster and the person seeking help. He carefully followed the wand movements described as he chanted.

As soon as the incantation was complete he dropped his wand and picked up the silver athame. A small cut across his palm stung but he quickly squeezed his hand over the chalice, allowing about a tablespoon or so to fall into the cup. He held Granger's gaze as he reached for her hand. She quickly adjusted the book into one hand and held out the other. Her gaze was steady but her hand trembled as she laid it into his. He quickly slid the ritual dagger across her palm and held it over the cup as well. As their blood mixed the tingle of powerful magic filled the room. 

Quickly he snatched up his wand and cast a quick healing charm on her hand. He heard her small gasp but knew not if it was in response to his actions or the growing tension in the room. Ignoring his own injury he turned to look about the room, his gaze falling on the smiling countenance of Dumbledore's portrait. 

"I, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, former Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, have been told by the castle that it accepts the request of Severus Snape, current Headmaster. The castle agrees to provide Sanctuary for Hermione Jean Granger for as long as she so needs." 

There was a ripple in the air as the tension that had built spread outwards, washing over the room and through the walls to encompass all of the grounds. Severus felt the tingle of awareness as the magic came against the wards, where it finally dissipated. The feeling was followed by the near by rumbling of stone coming from the direction of his private chambers. Glancing briefly at the knowing smile on Dumbledore's face he barked a quick "Come" at the girl and quickly opened the hidden door in one of the alcoves that lead to his private chambers. He heard the pattering of Granger's feet as she followed him up the winding staircase and into his living room. Severus glanced around quickly and his eyes came to rest on a door that had not been there before. 

Casting a final glance at the girl staring openly around his private chambers, Severus pushed down the growing dread as he walked resolutely towards the door. Surely the castle didn't do what he thought it did. Pushing open the door carefully he realized his own fears were very much realized. The room on the other side of the door was a bedroom. A feminine bedroom. One clearly placed there to house the quietly waiting Miss Granger. Why the castle felt the need to attach her room to his own private quarters he did not know, but here it was. He turned to return to his office and ask Dumbledore what the bloody castle was thinking but found he did not have to go that far.  
Dumbledore was gazing at him from a landscape painting depicting the castle itself. The painting was charmed to show the castle as it was in that moment. Severus saw the painted sky was slowly brightening in the predawn but was distracted when Dumbledore finally graced them with his words.

"Clearly the castle believes that this is the safest place for Miss Granger and has adjusted appropriately. Now she will not only have a safe place to stay, but she will also have some human contact. It would not do for anyone else to find out that she is here, and staying cooped up for too long by one self is dreadfully dull. It wouldn't hurt you either Severus, to have someone to talk to now and then who knows the truth." Dumbledore wasted no more time and left the portrait after these final teasing words.

"So I guess that means I will be staying here then?" Severus couldn't even look at her although he did realize that finally she was showing a bit of nervousness as her voice wavered slightly. "Oh, ok. So um, if you wouldn't mind showing me to my room? And maybe the bathroom as well? I could really use a quick shower to, you know, clean up a bit. And then maybe I could take a nap? Unless you need me for something, in which case I could wait to sleep." She was babbling now. Severus finally shook himself out of his quiet dread and turned to the girl.

"Your room is through the door behind me. If I saw correctly there should be an en suite bathroom. After you have cleaned up you may rest if you like. My room is through that door there," Severus waved across the room at the door to his own sleeping chambers, "and is off limits to you as your room is off limits to me. I give you my word that I will not enter your chambers unless there is a dire emergency and I expect the same in return. When you have finished resting, if I am not here you may have access to any of my books except the ones on the top two shelves of that book case. I will not be responsible for what happens to you if you do not heed my warning. You may also call upon Winky the house elf to serve you if you get hungry. First thing this morning I will go to the kitchens and warn the elves of your presence. Any further discussions will have to wait until later this afternoon when I return." 

He started to turn towards his room when her whispered, "Headmaster?" gave him pause. He turned and watched as she came towards him slowly, cautiously. When she had within arms reach she stopped and held a hand towards him. "If I may?"

Severus was confused for all of a moment before he realized she was gesturing to his own injured hand which was still slowly dripping blood. He didn't know what came over him in that moment as his hand came to rest in hers. He could have fixed it himself with a thought, but instead let her do it not even knowing for certain that she could. Ever so gently she ran a single finger along his palm, parallel to the cut. He felt the tingle of her wordless and wandless spell wash over him as his skin knit neatly together. He raised a single eyebrow, unwilling to admit how impressed he was at the casual display of such powerful control and magic. Instead he gave her a curt nod and spun to his rooms, ignoring the lingering feel of her hand on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you think!


	3. Settling In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: See Epilogue.
> 
> A/N: Here is another chapter for all my wonderful fans. Special shout out to mimia108 who's amazing comments have put a grin on my face more times than I can count! As always comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.

Hermione watched Severus back as he walked away before disappearing into his room. The wave of exhaustion she had been holding back suddenly washed over her. Dragging her feet she wearily entered the room that Severus had indicated before. She would admire the room later, but for now she just wanted to shower and sleep. She pulled her beaded bag with her into the en suite bath, dropping it with a heavy thud. Her clothes were quickly cast aside as she turned on the shower and stepped into the blessedly scalding heat. She washed on auto pilot as she let her thoughts wander.

  
She remembered the precise moment he had gone from Professor Snape to simply Severus to her. She had known there was more to the story of his murdering Dumbledore for months but three nights ago everything became so much clearer. That was when her thoughts had turned. He had unwillingly become Severus to her that night. An ally who no one would believe was on their side. But she had seen the truth and she had believed in him. Which is why he was who she had turned to when the boys had gone and left her.

  
She was washing her hair for the second time, as she recalled earlier that day. They had barely escaped from Mr. Lovegood's house and had set up camp once again. She had stepped out of the wards to forage for food and left the boys to their planning. She had been gone barely an hour before she returned to find the wards and the boys gone. The only things left were her beaded back, devoid of all of the boys things and a few choice healing potions, and the stupid note. Not even a letter. Just a few lines from the boys saying that after the close calls they had the last few days they thought it was getting too dangerous for her to continue.

  
'Too dangerous my foot!' Hermione seethed as the last of the shampoo washed her hair clean and she reached for the soap. She scrubbed her skin almost raw as she railed against the boys in her mind. 'How dare they think it was too dangerous for me. We did have a couple of close calls in a short amount of time but it had been my quick thinking that had saved us both times! First with Harry and that thrice damned snake and then again at Lovegoods. If it hadn't been for my quick thinking they would not only be captured but Mr. Lovegood would surely be dead as well. But no! Can't put the weak girl in danger! BAH!'

  
As she rinsed the dirt and soap from her pinkened skin, finally feeling clean for the first time in months, she felt the anger she had flow down the drain as well. Instead she felt the betrayal. They had left her. They knew she had nowhere to go and yet they still left her behind. After everything they had been through they packed up and left her without a word. They hadn't even left her the tent. So apparently they had enough faith in her to be able to fend for herself in the wilderness with no food or shelter, but they didn't have enough faith that she could hold her own anymore in the search for horcruxes. The idiot boys hadn't even thought about how much more dangerous it was for her to be on her own. They didn't know what she did about Severus.

  
Hermione's eyes burned as she stepped out of the shower and into the warm room. She started to dig through her bag but everything she pulled out was filthy and worn. Cleaning spells only worked so well and were so harsh that clothes eventually started to fall apart if used too often. Finally tears started to fall as she realized she had nothing clean at all to wear. Instead she gathered every piece of clothing she had and dumped it into the hamper with a broken sob. Turning she fell into the soft bed and burrowed under the covers as she finally let herself break down. Her body was wracked with sobs and her chest heaved. Her head ached from the force of her grief. She had lost her two best friends today. Even if they all survived they would never be the same. Harry knew how she had felt after Ron had left and yet he still willingly left her as well. No, they may be friends again someday but they would never be close again.

  
Crying for the loss of the man she thought of as brother, and the other she hoped to someday be a lover, Hermione lay there as exhaustion took over and she fell into a fitful sleep.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Hermione didn't know how long she slept but when she awoke it was to find the sun glaring through the portrait window. Glaring blearily around she finally took in the state of the room. It was not a big room but definitely better than the tent. The double bed took up most of the room but allowed for a wardrobe and desk. The window also had a window seat and Hermione could imagine herself curled up in it reading a book and drinking in the warm rays of the sun. There was a empty space along one wall and Hermione wondered if she might be able to find a bookshelf if she was going to be here long. No sooner had she thought it, the stones on the wall began to move, grinding together as they reformed in a series of built in shelves and Hermione grinned.

  
Silently she thanked the castle as her eyes fell to previously empty desk chair. There folded primly was a set of simple robes and what looked like her own underwear, freshly washed and folded. She grinned at the thoughtfulness of the house elves as she scrambled out of bed. She stretched, basking in the warm rays of the sun, enjoying the feeling of freedom she got in her nakedness. Living for months on end with two boys meant that privacy was in very VERY short supply and even changing was done quickly as to not inconvenience the rest. She thought she would be cold, seeing how she was in a tower room in the middle of winter. She registered then the warmth filtering through the rug and bent down to feel what should have been the cold stone floor. The stones gave a off a thrum of magic and a welcoming warmth making Hermione smile. Even now the castle was looking out for her wellbeing and comfort.

  
Suddenly her stomach rumbled loud enough she thought she may even have heard it echo in the quiet room. Knowing that it was time to prepare for the day she turned to get dressed. As she pulled on the robe she came to realize it was not one of hers. The robe was made of a soft material and was cut perfectly if simply. It fit her emaciated frame loosely and Hermione wondered if they even made clothes in her current size. Perhaps now that she was safe (more or less) she would be able to start eating better and regain some of her weight.

  
With this happy thought Hermione finally left her room and entered Severus private living room. 'Our private living room.' She thought, pushing down the flutter in her chest the word our caused. She had steadfastly shoved many such thoughts away over the years. She knew that crushing on a teacher, especially one like Severus, was an exercise in futility. Not only would no one understand, they would probably try to get her admitted to the Janus Thickey ward at St. Mungo's. When others looked at Severus they saw the greasy big nosed dungeon bat with a foul personality. Hermione was able to look past his less endearing qualities and instead saw something more. His nose distracted others from his piercing gaze and expressive brows. His tall figure was called gangly but Hermione admired his tall stature and lean body, like that of a runner. What had first attracted her to him was of course his voice, its silky cadence had interrupted her juvenile dreams as she reached puberty and started to really notice boys. His voice had caressed her in her dreams and each morning after it happened she would wake up breathless, ruthlessly pushing the memories away. Not long after she noticed how graceful his hands were and her dreams had taken on a deliciously forbidden turn. Still, she had refused to acknowledge the dreams. His personality was foul, yes, but who's wouldn't be if they were forced to do half the things the man had to. However she no longer feared his hateful words or stern scowl. She instead saw dealing with him as both a challenge and exercise in patience. Patience that she had honed over the last seven years being friends with the two very strong personalities in Harry and Ron.

  
Even so no one could ever know that she had been crushing on a professor even if it was common among the other girls from the whispers she had overheard from Lavender and Padama. No, Hermione Granger was above such things, they had whispered thinking she could not hear. For the longest time Hermione even believed their words to be true and buried all thoughts of boys and men away, at least after the whole Lockhart fiasco. It had taken years to realize that she too was a girl and had every right to think of boys and books not one or the other. However, this did not mean that she could be thinking such thoughts about Severus. Even now that she was no longer necessarily a student she refused to think about such thoughts and buried them deep within her. They were just a school girls silly crush and she refused to think of them as anything else.  
Hermione finished shoving these traitorous thoughts away just as her stomach gave a loud rumble. Hunger had been a constant companion to her for too many months now and Hermione was grateful that she wouldn't have to worry about food any more. With a smile of anticipation she quietly called for Winky as Severus had told her to.  
With a small crack the diminutive little elf appeared before her. Her pleated skirt and pristine white shirt was a welcome difference from the last time Hermione had seen the little elf. Apparently the little elf had gotten over her butterbeer addiction.

  
"Hello Miss. How can Winky being of service?" Hermione smiled at the little elf and her stomach decided at that moment to give an all mighty rumble.  
"Um. Some food would be nice. And maybe a cup of tea?" Hermione blushed.

  
"Say no more. Headmaster has already been down to see us in the kitchen and told all us house elves to be careful. We knows exactly what to feed Miss. Headmaster has also asked Winky to look after Miss while she is here." Hermione was startled at Winky's revelations about Severus. Not only had he talked to the elves to keep them quiet but apparently had spoke to them about keeping her meals simple for now and designated her an elf of her own. Hermione frown at the thought of an elf being hers to call upon at will but then realized that living such a secluded life would deem having help a necessity. With grudging acceptance she realized that having Winky on hand would only help, and would probably do the ostracized elf some good.

  
"Very well Winky. Thank you for your help."

  
"Of course Miss." Squeaked Winky before she disappeared with a crack.

  
Hermione crossed to the sofa and sank gratefully into is soft cushions, waiting for Winky. She did not have to wait long before the house elf appeared with a tray and set it before her on the coffee table. The aroma of brothy soup and fresh bread wafted over Hermione and her stomach gave another low rumble. "Thank you Winky. This looks delicious."

  
"Winky is happy to help. Does Miss like the robe? Winky did not have time to finish cleaning Missy's clothes yet."

  
"Did you leave me this then?" Hermione asked. As Winky nodded an affirmative to her inquiry she took her first bite of soup. She could not help the low moan of pleasure that escaped her as the bold flavors of the warm broth exploded against her tongue. She noticed the pleased look on the elf's face before she was startled by the clearing of a throat.

  
Spinning, hand reaching for her wand, she turned towards the door to find Severus leaning against the frame. He looked tired and worn and Hermione stopped her wand where it was half raised as she took him in. Last night she had been too emotional and tired herself to notice the dark circles and haggard appearance of her one time teacher. The weary slump of his shoulders was familiar to her and spoke of too many nights of little sleep. It was a look she knew well as she had seen it on her two friends and even herself the few times she had looked in a mirror. Quickly she lowered her wand and refused to acknowledge the faint blush of embarrassment warming her cheeks. For his part Severus simply raised a single brow at her overreaction before pushing away from the door frame and coming into the room.

  
"Winky, would you be so kind as to bring up another tray?" Hermione felt her own brows raise in astonishment at Severus less than snarky handling of the elf. She barely noticed as the elf snapped her fingers and another tray appeared. "Thank you. That will be all for now."

  
Hermione watched as Severus moved to the chair beside the sofa and sank into it, pulling his tray closer and tucking into his meal without even acknowledging her. Watching him closely from the corner of her eye, she turned back to her own meal. She took a bite of the still warm bread, generously covered in butter and another small moan of pleasure escaped her. She had not realized that she had made the sound however until she saw Severus hands twitch out of the corner of her eye. Again she tried to ignore the blush staining her cheeks as she realized just how suggestive she must have sound. She deliberately kept her silence for the rest of the meal, studiously avoiding looking at the man sitting across from her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Comments and Kudos are welcome!


	4. Unwanted Reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Same as always.
> 
> A/N: Here is a new chapter from Severus POV. I will try to remember to let you all know in my notes whose POV to expect. Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

Severus had finished his meal and was watching as Granger slowly ate her fill. He had come in moments after Winky and had stood in the door way, giving them a moment to work things out. Severus remembered her ill attempt at gaining house elf rights a few years ago and wondered how the girl would take having a personal elf to see to her needs. He had been surprised at her ready acceptance of the situation but remained silently watching. Silently until she had made that sound. Severus hadn't heard a sound full of such profound pleasure before. A shiver had run up his spine and he quickly shoved the memory of the sound and its affect on him so far away as to never remember it again. He had never had such a uncontrolled and visceral response to a student before and refused to acknowledge his body's unwanted response to something as simple as a sound from a mere girl. Hence the act of fortifying his mental shields and pushing away unruly thoughts. Uncertain if he would be able to do so a second time he had quickly announced his presence as to not test his theory.

  
A theory that had been tested only a few moments later as she had taken another bite. He had involuntarily twitched as the pleased moan had washed over him. He had been correct that to shove the memory away again would be harder. He found it nearly impossible but by using every trick he knew he was able to carefully push the sound away to a far corner of his mind, determined never to be looked at again.

He had finished his meal quickly and sat back to study the young woman before him. She looked much better now that she had cleaned up and rested. Her hair was still the same bushy mess it had always been, and her features still too pointed from lack of food, but the dark circles under her eyes had lightened and she seemed to relax as they sat there in silence. She left too much food on her plate for Severus liking but he refrained from commenting. It would take time for her body to get used to regular meals again and Severus was not one to push. As she sat back and turned to face him, he wondered how to begin the conversation they needed to have. He was relieved when she spoke first.

"Thank you for speaking to the house elves for me. I do not know where they got the clothes but it is nice to wear something that is properly cleaned again." She gave him a small smile and Severus took her words for the olive branch it was. 

"Over the years people have left behind numerous garments that the elves keep for emergencies. I am sure your other clothes will be returned once they are clean but until then feel free to ask them for anything you may need." Severus knew that there were more serious topics but for a moment relished talking about the more relaxing less tedious options. "In fact there are many forgotten items that have been left behind and I am sure that they will be able to provide whatever you may need."

"Thank you. I don't know if the clothes I came with are even worth saving at this point. One too many Scourgify has left most of them in poor shape. I will be sure to speak to Winky about it." Severus was once again graced with her small smile and felt his lips twitch as if they wanted to give her one of their own. Severus quickly squashed the silly notion. Severus Snape did not smile. Sneer or grimace he could do but he would not smile. Before his traitorous lips could deny his thoughts he quickly turned the conversation to more serious topics.

"Be sure you do. Now I think we need to speak about the rules of your staying here." He didn't acknowledge her surprised look and continued. "Even with the castle on your side it would not do to have word of your being here get out. Not only would the students be in even more danger as they tried to see you, or more foolishly save you from the dastardly headmaster, but if the Carrows find out that you are here then we would both be dead. Which means you must remain in these rooms at all times. No one else has access to these rooms and if for some unforeseen reason someone does come, I will be sure to have the portraits warn you so you can hide. These rooms are charmed so that you can hear anything that goes on in the office. You must never react or question me about what you hear. You say you trust me and that will be put to the test, but if you really do trust me you will never speak of what you hear. If you need anything you may ask Winky, or Dobby if she is not available. As I said last night you can have access to any book in here besides the previously mentioned ones. Either way you will remain in these rooms at all times so as not to be seen." Severus quickly and emotionlessly recited the rules he had devised this morning as she slept.

"Sir, I understand the rules and I agree with them for the most part. I have plenty of books with me still and was thinking of doing some studying. However I do not know if I will be able to remain locked up in these rooms for an indeterminate amount of time." Severus raised a brow and the impertinence but she quickly hurried on. "If I may ask, how out of character would it be if you were to suddenly have a familiar?"

Severus thought hard about her words. He knew that suddenly having a pet or familiar would be looked at strangely but he also knew he was not one to be questioned and any questions anyone would foolishly ask could be easily dismissed. It would all depend on what type of familiar he would be expected to pass off. He also knew that to keep her cooped up here indefinitely would be a very bad idea. Eventually boredom would set in and she would be taking unnecessary risks to get out and about. He had had to try though. Instead he pondered on her familiar theory. "If I were to suddenly find myself with a familiar it would not be something insurmountable to pass off. However it would entirely depend on just what animal I would find myself with. An otter for instance would not be suitable."

"How did you... Nevermind not important. What about a dog? More precisely a German Shepherd?" Severus raised his brows. If he was reading her hints correctly, not only was Granger an Animagus as such a young age (really he shouldn't be surprised) but she was a large dog. A highly intelligent, fiercely loyal, and viciously protective breed of dog. Again not surprising when he really thought about it. 

"I may be able to work with that." Severus quickly blanked his features at her radiant grin. He almost didn't ask his next question, not wanting to see the smile fade, but knew he must. "It would depend on who else knew about this little bit of information. It would not do if someone in the know found out that I had adopted a familiar looking pet the same time you went missing." Grangers grin did not disappear but instead changed to a look he never thought he would see of her. It was almost... sly.

"If I had told them what I was doing they would have insisted I taught them too. I didn't have the patience to attempt to teach them such a difficult piece of magic with everything else going on. It was difficult enough to learn on my own I probably never would have gotten it if I was constantly interrupted with their grumbling and whining. I had almost all summer to work it out and I was in charge of scrounging for food and they didn't need to know that I took extra time away to figure it out on my own." She was smug. That was the smile. Sly and smug and Severus felt his lips twitch again at the very Slytherin look on the Gryffindor Princess's face. She had kept something from her two closest friends. Something she was now telling him. He wanted to grin at the thought of the stupid looks the two idiots would get on their faces if they ever learned that she had kept this from them but did so for purely selfish reasons.

"If I were to allow this, and I am not agreeing yet, you would still not be able to leave these chambers without me. There would be absolutely no wandering around on your own. I am sure you are aware that I am not the most popular person in this school and while no one has the audacity to challenge me either to my face or behind my back, I can not guarantee your safety if you were on your own. Are we clear?" Severus fixed the still slyly smiling woman before him with a stern frown. Her smile faded to a frown of concern as she took in his words but she nodded resolutely. "Very well. Let us see just what manner of beast I am to pass off as my own." 

The concern on her face faded as she gave him an excited grin. He just raised a single brow at her instead of allowing himself to answer her grin with one of his own. She quickly stood and walked to the clear spot in front of the fireplace. One last saucy look and she shifted into her animagus form. Where once a skinny bushy haired young woman stood was now a large black and tan dog. 

Severus schooled his face into a mask of indifference before the shock he felt could show. He knew that she had lost weight during her time on the run, but now he could see the extent. In dog form her emaciated form was more clear. Her ribs stood out clearly even through the thick fur covering her body. Her muscles were too small and her hair was drab. Her eyes however shown with excitement and a hint of mischief as her tailed wagged swiftly back and forth. Suddenly the dog-girl before him bent down and barked at him once in excitement. The smile Severus had had so much trouble keeping off his face finally manifested without his permission in the form of an amused smirk. He knew from listening to Minerva talk about it in the past that while an animagus maintained their human identities while transformed, the instincts of their animal self where much stronger and it took time for a person to be able to maintain complete control over said instincts. 

Such was evident at the obvious excitement of the girl when she noticed his smirk. She barked again and wagged her tail so hard her whole body wiggled back and forth. Severus felt his smirk grow as he raised an amused brow. The mischief shining in the dogs flared and before Severus could question or stop it, Hermione had jumped up and planted her paws on his shoulder before giving him a slobbery doggy kiss from chin to forehead. He immediately stiffened in shock. He was not the only one in shock apparently because suddenly he found his arms full of a blushing witch.

Hermione was staring at him with a look of pure horror at her own actions. His hands had unwilling come up to rest upon her hips and Severus felt her hands clutch at his shoulders where they had replaced her paws. His shoved down the involuntary shudder that her warm form pressed against him created. He was staring into the girl's eyes as something swirled in their depths. He could not understand the warmth that fought through the embarrassment and shock. Confusion was not a feeling Severus was overly familiar with and he did not like the feeling at all as he tried to determine the heat blooming in her whiskey depths. 

Hermione broke his gaze for a single moment to glance down. Severus thought it was more embarrassment that caused her to look away before understanding dawned as her tongue flicked out to wet her plump lips. Unbridled desire bloomed low in his belly and he felt a himself stirring. Swiftly he stood placing her away from him. He knew that his hands lingered a fraction too long on her hips but he could not for the life of him stop himself. Annoyed and frustrated at his own lack of control over his own actions and his body's involuntary response, he jerked away from her with a growl.

"Miss Granger, if you are quite finished." Severus snarled, fixing his face into the stern mask that was his usual facade and causing her to flush an even deeper red. "I think it may be best if we wait to unleash you on the unsuspecting students of this school. It would not do for a familiar of mine to go running up to any of your... friends in a moment of carelessness. After you can prove to me that you are able to control your instincts sufficiently, we will revisit this discussion." Severus also wanted to give time for Hermione to regain a bit of weight back. He didn't need even more grief from everyone if they thought they were mistreating his familiar in addition everything else they believed of him. Hermione was nodding her head in agreement as he quickly made his way to his office. He refused to acknowledge the lingering tingle from the touch of her hands at his shoulders, nor the reaction of his traitorous body to her every action. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment or kudo if you like what you read!


	5. Overheard Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am not the great and powerful wordsmith JK Rowling (I double checked in the mirror just now). I am simply borrowing a few characters to make them do naug... I mean to create this work without any monetary gains of my own. The only thing I do gain is the wonderful words from my readers which brings smiles to my face.
> 
> A/N: Sorry about the wait my dears. I have re written this chapter a few times and finally got it to do what I wanted. I have also realized that this may not be as slow a burn as I had originally planed (although it will be a few chapters at least yet). Please don't hate me too much if their relationship gets away from me a little... I have found my stories don't always do what I want them to at first and take on a life of their own as I am writing. Also I am always looking forward to your comments including the ones who like to give me little tips on what they would like to see next. Who knows it may even happen. Now on to the story!

**Chapter 5:** _Overheard Conversation_

 

Hermione watched Severus walk away, mortified at her actions. She had been so excited to show off her dog form that she had let instincts take over. She knew that she strove for recognition in everything she did and to see Severus amused face had been to much for the attention starved part of her. She could feel the heat of her blush at her own actions and his scathing parting words. She was glad however that her slip had been in the privacy of their own quarters. She would never be able to live it down if anyone else had seen her complete lack of control.

  
She thought back to the moment she realized what her doggy self had done and she had to drop down on the couch as he knees gave out. She buried her face in her hands trying vainly to repress the last few moments. The shock of her own actions had shoved her back into her own form but the instincts had taken a moment to fade. She could still remember the thrill of being in his arms, however unwillingly on both their parts. His woodsy herbal scent had filled her nose and caused her blood to sing. Her embarrassment hadn't been enough to stop her from wondering if he tasted as good as he smelled. She had barely had a chance to fixate on his pursed lips before he had swiftly stood and set her away from him.

  
Now though the embarrassment returned and dosed the flickering heat in her core that had sparked while she was in his arms. The memory of his icy gaze as he lamented her lack of control was enough to cool her blood and steady her mind. Reinforcing the locked box of thoughts that she kept of him in her mind she turned her mind to other things.

  
She really wished she could speak to Minerva about keeping her animal instincts under control while shifted. That was not an option however so instead she pulled out a parchment and started a study schedule. The routine actions calmed her as she planned out not just her control studies but also the studying she planned to do for her NEWTs so she could take them as soon as she was able. Immersing herself into books, she left all thoughts of her taciturn former professor behind.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Hermione had lost all track of time as she studied and before she knew it the sound of voices pulled her from the book she had been reading (The Animal Inside: A Guide to Animagus Transformations). Glancing at the darkened windows she knew it must be close to dinner time. She started to wonder where Severus could be when the voices started again and Hermione realized that Severus was in his office. He was not alone.

  
"Really Severus, how can you let them get away with this?" Hermione recognized the familiar Scottish brogue of her favorite teacher and yearned to be able to go to her.  
"What is it this time?" Severus softly spoken words were cold enough to send a shiver down Hermione's spine.

  
"I was walking by my office a few minutes ago and thought it odd to see a light under the door. You could imagine my surprise when I walked in to find Alecto and Amycus going through my things. Did you tell them to do this? Are you spying on me Severus?" Hermione could hear the barely controlled rage in her former Head of House's words. Hermione found herself anger bubble up as well at the shear gall of the two Death Eaters.

  
"The actions of Alecto and Amycus are none of your concern. Nor are my own. As Headmaster it is my prerogative to know what my teachers are up to. I have said it before and I will say it again, Minerva, if you do not like the way I run this school you are free to leave. I am sure I can find someone out there who would be able to take over your responsibilities." Hermione flinched at the cruel words and lack of empathy coming from Severus. She frowned at his words, not understanding how he could possibly let the awful twins posing as teachers to get away with such a breach of privacy.

  
"That's it? Severus this woman and her brother..."

  
"I do not like repeating myself Minerva. We have already gone over this. How I run this school is up to me and I will not have anyone question my decisions. The Carrows are here to stay. You can either accept this or leave. The choice is yours." Hermione twinged at the coldness in Severus tone. Her anger at the Carrows and Severus callous words grew as doubts to his alliances formed. "Now unless you are here to submit your resignation, I suggest you drop this subject. For good."

  
"You won't be getting rid of me that easily." Hermione could picture her formidable former head of house and knew that her lips were pursed in the most disapproving way possible. Tears threatened to fall at the icy way she spoke to Severus, even as she applauded her one time mentor for standing strong in the face of Severus cruel treatment. "One of these days things will change, and then Severus you had better watch your step."

  
The loud bang of the office door slamming was followed by what could only be a malicious giggle. "You told her Severus. The old hag..."

  
"Enough Alecto. You are already on thin ice after that little stunt with Flitwick last week. Our Dark Lord will not be pleased to know that the two of you decided to act on your own... again. He will be even less pleased to find out you were caught. The next time either of you get some brilliant idea you will come to me with it first. I do not like being caught unawares and it would be a simple matter for me to get McGonagall out of her office. Your lack of planning does nothing to help our cause and only creates more problems with the other teachers. Now both of you get out of my sight." 

  
Hermione's anger faded at Severus dressing down of the idiot twins. Shame filled her as she realized what she had done. Severus had warned her that she would hear things she didn't like but that she was not to doubt or question him on his interactions with anyone in the office. He had asked her to trust him and she would. This was her first chance to prove that and she would not blow it. The others didn't know what she did. They couldn't know. And so she would reinforce her faith in him and prove that it wouldn't be shaken. Resolved to not even mention the overheard conversation she quickly went back to her books as she heard his foot steps on the stairs.

  
Hermione kept her head down as the door flung open. She could feel is intent gaze upon her, daring her to question him about what she had just heard. Hermione forced herself to remain calm under his scrutiny and her voice was steady as she spoke. "I think I figured out how to keep myself in check while in dog form but I am going to need your help."

  
A long tense pause met her words until Hermione looked up and met Severus eyes head on. His glare was broken by a flash of relieved shock before his face carefully blanked. She continued to keep her gaze steady as he came forward and sat heavily in his chair. "What exactly is it you plan on doing and how precisely do you expect me to help you?"

  
"Well, I did some research and I think if I take a Wit Sharpening potion before shifting I should be able to control myself better. After I learn the feeling with the help of the potion I will be able to use that to remain in control each time I shift. I simply need to get the feel of it so that I know what to expect and how to replicate it without the help of potions." Hermione watched Severus closely as he thought over her words. She held her breath, anticipating Severus's mocking tone as he shot down her idea.

  
"I suppose you wish for me to obtain these potions for you?" Hermione gave a small sigh of relief. Severus did not question her methods which to Hermione was tantamount to glowing praise. His next words didn't even damper her smile. "What am I to tell the others when they notice so many potions disappearing from the stores? Or do you expect me to take time out of my busy schedule to brew this potion for you?"

  
"Neither, sir. I simply need your help gathering the ingredients. I am more than capable of brewing a simple Wit Sharpening potion and even have a cauldron already. I am however low on both ginger and armadillo bile but I do have some scarab beetles left. I haven't had time to refill my potions stocks in some time." Hermione tried not to smile at Severus blank stare. Here was the moment of truth. Either he agreed to allow her to brew the potion on her own therefore admitting he trusted her skills as a potioneer, or he would tell her no and be forced to find the time to do so himself. As the silence lengthened Severus brow slowly furrowed until he was glaring at her. Hermione couldn't help but smile which only caused him to glare harder.

  
"Fine." Severus spat the word at her and Hermione knew she had won. And he knew she knew what his acceptance meant. Hence the venom in his voice as he grudgingly spoke the words she had been waiting to hear. "I will obtain the ingredients for you but heaven help you if you blow up my living room."

  
Hermione smothered the whoop of glee that threatened, and instead let her pleasure at his reluctant words show in her voice. "Thank you sir. Your help is greatly appreciated."

  
Severus looked like he was trying not to roll his eyes at her as she remained immune to his scowl. Grinning like a loon Hermione bounced up so she could go get her bag with her cauldron and potions ingredients out of her room. Without conscious thought she paused as she passed his chair and planted a quick kiss to Severus cheek. Severus jumped as he lips met his skin and his head whipped around to look at her. Using ever ounce of self control she had she willed herself not to blush as she turned and strolled sedately to her room as if nothing out of the ordinary had just occurred. She felt his eyes as they followed her and she could feel his suspicion at her actions rolling over her. As she closed the door and leaned back against it she finally lost control of her blush and felt her face heat.

  
If this was how comfortable she was already feeling after only a two days she dreaded to think what she would do next. She feared what his reaction would be if she got any more friendly with the taciturn man. She also wondered at her own desire to get closer to him. But mostly she was looking forward to the challenge of befriending one Severus Snape.

  
She took a deep steadying breath as she once again reinforced her own emotions. It really had only been two days since she had been abandoned by her closest friends. Her friendship with Harry and Ron had always been familiar, at least ever since the troll incident when their friendship truly started. They all were comfortable with each other and that lent towards easy (platonic) touches like walking arm in arm or ruffling of each others hair. Even cuddling on the sofa in the common room while doing homework and plenty of hugs or quick pecks on the cheek when one of the boys had done something especially sweet. Now, being away from her boys, she realized just how much their casual touches had meant to her and how much she missed it.

  
Hermione gathered her potions things as she thought back on the beginning of her friendship with Ron and Harry. They had quickly and easily fallen into their comfortable rhythm. They had literally gone from disliking each other to nearly inseparable overnight. All of her friendships over the years followed a similar pattern now that she thought about it. She had gone from barely speaking to acquaintances to good friends with Neville, Ginny, and Luna as well. She was also touchy feely with her other friends as well and though Neville had blushed at first, even he had given into her snugly form of friendship.

  
And now she was doing it again. But this time instead of a fellow student she was trying to do so with one Severus Snape. She heaved a sigh at her own foolishness as she heaved her cauldron out of her beaded bag and loaded it with the ingredients she had already collected. Severus was not anything like her Gryffindor friends. He was a Slytherin, and a professor to boot. Her old ways of making friends would not do, in fact he would likely put her out on her ear if she didn't start controlling herself around him.

  
Lugging her cauldron full of things towards the door Hermione vowed to herself that she would not touch the Headmaster again unless he himself initiated it. She knew that it would take an extreme amount of luck and patience if she ever wanted to be named a friend by Severus. 'Let alone anything more.' A traitorous thought wiggled into her musing. She snorted at it. 'Yeah right. Even if I hadn't been his student for years, a great and powerful wizard like Severus would never look twice at a mousy little know-it-all like myself.'

  
Heaving one last sigh of resignation she opened the door to reenter the living room. As she strode forward to set up her things she tried once again to remove all thoughts of anything but friendship with the dark and brooding man. She had mostly succeeded when a final thought pushed its way to the surface. 'He may not ever want me like that, but a girl can dream, can't she?'

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I adore getting comments and Kudos so tell me what you think, good or bad!


	6. Severus Musing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Same as before.
> 
> A/N: Ask and ye shall receive! A few of you asked to read about what Severus thoughts of Hermione's casual affection. I agreed and so here it is!  
> A/N2: Thank you all for your amazing comments and kudos! I always love hearing from you all, good or bad ;-)

**Chapter 6:** _Severus Musing_

 

 

Severus sat in stunned silence as Hermione left the room, presumably to gather what potions supplies she had. His hand came up to absently caress his cheek which still tingled with lingering warmth where her hot breath and soft lips had brushed it. It had been many years since someone had touched him so casually. Even longer since that touch had not been followed by a look of pity.

  
Severus first memory of being touched was with the fists of his father. The dull ache of his fists was a welcome difference from the stinging bite of the belt. As he got older he was introduced to the ringing slaps of his mother any time he tried to stand up to his father or protect her. He learned quickly to stay out of the way and as quiet as possible. It turned out that tip toeing around his house as a child was good practice for his later years when he became a spy.

  
Severus knew that his parents were not exactly normal. He witnessed the hugs and patting on the heads, hands clasped as two parents swung their children between them. He watched on in growing bitterness and envy at the clear affection visible in every touch. He started to spend more and more time watching from the shadows at the happy families around him. Even as the mill shut down and times got hard, still the children were loved.

  
On particularly bad days Severus started to go down to the park and watch the carefree children run and play. He never joined, they never would have let him. No they always ran from the odd boy in the baggy clothes with long unkempt hair. They all ran, until her.

  
When he first revealed himself to Lily Evans after he had seen her display of magic, she had been the first child who had not run away taunting him. She had watched him curiously and approached him, warily but without the sneer of disgust so apparent on the other children's faces. Their friendship was not so very odd as young children, being the only two magical children in the community. And for the first time he learned what it was like be touched with out pain. He had jumped, flinched away the first few times she had reached for him, but she had been persistently affectionate and eventually he had gotten used to her over exuberant ways. And so for years he had his one friend, his one source of comfort and companionship. They would sit staring through the leaves in the trees, hands clasped, as they talked about how wonderful it would be to attend Hogwarts together. Making new friends as they learned how to control and use their powers.

  
Then they finally started school and all those dreams, all those plans, were slowly dashed. To be placed in rival houses was hard enough, but magical children were just as cruel as mill town children. Only the looks of disgust and taunting words were now followed with stinging hexes and minor curses. Mostly from the four fiends who dubbed themselves the Marauders. Having Lily around turned into both a blessing and a curse.

  
When he was with Lily the Marauders were less likely to attack him, which was a blessing. However it only added more fuel to the taunts when he was alone. They accused him of hiding behind a girl, having to be protected by a girl. Bad enough to hear from the Potter and his ilk, even worse when it started being whispered around his own house. Only they added words like mud blood to the mix. Even so it took him five years of enduring everyone's whispers and stares before it had become too much. Lily had already started to pull away, which only made him break faster. The once consoling touch of her hand was no longer enough to counter act the bitterness welling with in him. Then the fateful day came when it all became too much. Too much bitterness at her half hearted defense. Too much embarrassment from the cruel actions of mean spirited bully's. Too much hatred and envy had bled over and he had lost his one true friend that day.

  
He realized later that he did not regret so much the loss of Lily herself but of what she had been to him. His one source of affection in a life of disgust, pity, and pain. His own lingering feelings were buried deep with in him as he allowed the bitterness to consume him. A bitterness that only grew and festered over the years watching others gain what was so steadfastly denied to him. Friendship, true friendship. Alliances and later brothers in arms, but not friendships.

  
Years later it was the lingering affection of a friend and the gratitude of a lost little boy that had turned him away from the dark promises that the Dark Lord had promised. When he had inadvertently put Lily in danger, every feeling, every moment of comfort in his life came back to haunt him and he could not see her killed. Yet even throwing his pride away to beg at the feet of Albus Dumbledore had not been enough to save her. So the bitterness at the unfairness of the world grew.

  
Severus wondered when exactly Dumbledore had gone from simply an employer to a mentor and friend. It was not a typical friendship, Dumbledore held too much power over him for that. But it was a friendship none the less for those eleven years of peace. Even Minerva had wiggled her way past his stone walls and cold demeanor at some point. The three of them had spent many a night talking about various subjects over a bottle of Ogden's finest. Severus once again found a level of contentment in his life however short lived it was. But neither Albus or Minerva where particularly affectionate people and so Severus longing for simple touches remained unfulfilled.

  
The students were another source of conflict for him. To see so many students obtain so easily what had been denied to him as a child left him jealous of their easy friendships. Jealousy was not an emotion he dealt with well and he knew it. He knew exactly what he was doing every time he purposefully separated friends to work with someone else in his class. Yet he could not stop his little displays of defiance towards their easy comradery even if he wanted to. Its not like the dunderheads ever knew the reasons behind his actions. They just assumed it was him being a git once again.

  
Then Harry Potter started his first year at Hogwarts and every small source of contentment he had was blown away. Dumbledore suspected that the Dark Lord would rise again soon and tasked Severus with walking the fine line of protecting the boy even as he kept up appearances so he could return to his role as a spy if needed. It was not so hard to do. The boy was easily accepted by his fellow students through no real effort of his own. His rule breaking seemed to know no bounds and Severus saw his father in him all over again. The boy wasn't even particularly talented at any magic that he could see. No the only one in his class that could was even remotely talented was Granger, when she wasn't regurgitating textbooks word for word.

  
Severus remembered early in that year that he regretted Granger being placed in Gryffindor. If she had been at least in Ravenclaw he could have subtly encouraged he need for knowledge. He had even felt a moment of pity for the poor girl when it became apparent that her thirst for knowledge was making her an outsider. He thought his bad opinions of the whole house grounded when they had turned even on one of their own simply for being different. Then the unthinkable happened and any pity he may have had for the girl was replaced with disgust after that Halloween night. She had done the same as Lily had and fallen in with the popular crowd for no other reason then they allowed her to.

  
So he was forced to see the Boy Wonder obtain everything he himself had wanted in a school life. Friends who were both loyal and true. Friends who were comfortable with the casual touches so common to the average person. And support from Albus himself in their blatant disregard for the rules. Years of bitterness and scorn were directed at the trio so forcefully it was a wonder that Hermione ever took the time to spare him a single thought, let alone work out the truth behind his and Albus's carefully crafted lies.

  
Now Miss Granger was here with him, trusted him, talked to him, even touched him. His yearning for a normal life, a steadfast friend returned so strongly it ached. It wasn't until his blunt fingernails bit into his own cheek that he realized his hand had still been pressed to the place she had kissed him. The kiss had been so casual, so quick, that he knew there was no deeper meaning. Nothing sexual was portrayed in that kiss. It was just one of those casual brushes of the lips he had seen her bestow on any number of friends over the years. Which made it all the more precious to him.

  
Knowing you would not survive to see another year completed did things to a man. Severus knew that he would not survive this war. He knew that he would die even if he did not know precisely when or how. He had walked a fine line for too long and he knew that something was bound to give and then the Dark Lord would be sure that Severus did not survive. Which is why, when the thought of actually befriending the bushy haired know-it-all popped into his head, he did not immediately push it away.

  
His pride would not allow him to treat her any differently and fear of rejection too strong to actively seek her friendship. But maybe, just maybe, if she were to try and get closer to him, he would not deny her.

  
His mind made up Severus was again absently caressing his own cheek when Hermione came back into the room. He quickly dropped his hand from his face and watched as she brought her things over to the hearth. She wasn't looking at him and a faint blush still stained her cheeks. He wished she would look at him even for a moment so he could tell if the blush was from embarrassment or pity. He didn't know if he could stand her pity, not her who had placed her trust in him.

  
With a resigned but silent sigh he stood and walked over to his personal potions stores. The cupboard was warded and had the strongest Notice-Me-Not Charm he was capable of casting. Even he had a hard time looking at it directly until he opened up the doors. Quickly gathering the ingredients she asked for he returned and set them on the coffee table behind her. He watched her intently and sure enough when the soft thud and gentle clink of the bottles being set down reached her ears she glanced back at him. He focused on her eyes, looking for any sign of pity and was relieved to find none.

  
He turned away and sat back in his chair before she could read the relief in his own eyes. She did not pity him, at least not she felt no pity in relation to kissing him. No, she was simply embarrassed by her own actions. Actions that Severus wished she would have cause to repeat.

  
He was back to losing himself in what a friendship with Hermione would be like as he watched her practiced movements as she stirred the potion, when it happened. Severus hissed in pain and clamped his right hand over his left forearm. He was not often called away any more, the Dark Lord not wanting to leave Hogwarts open to mutiny and not trusting the Carrows to keep the rest of the teachers in check. So this came as a bit of a surprise even as Severus realized what day it was. New Years Eve. A great revel had more than likely been called and Severus was sure that was the reason behind his summons. 

He glanced up to see concerned whiskey hued eyes staring back at him. Now she bit her lip as she stared into his eyes searching for something. Severus glared back, daring the pity to now show, sure that she would buckle under the obvious tell. Instead her gaze hardened with resolution and she blanked her face of emotion as well as she could. Concern still marred her brow and her lips were slightly pursed but she held his gaze steadily. Drawing a deep breath, he knew he must say something.

  
"Miss Granger, it seems something has come up that will call me away from the castle for an indefinite period of time. I am sure I do not need to remind you that you are to remain hidden in these rooms until I return. That said I do not trust that my office will remain empty or that someone may or may not try to gain entrance to my private chambers. It may be best that you remove all evidence of your presence from the central areas. If you hear anything at all then you are to hide in your room until I return. Do not do anything stupid no matter what your Gryffindor brain tries to tell you. Do I make myself clear?" Severus was hissing by the end of his little speech. The pain had doubled when he had not immediately left and now it burned all the way up his arm. She nodded quickly murmuring a quick 'yes sir' before he was swishing away to find his robes and mask.

  
As he returned to the living room he found her taking her personal books and notes into her room. The potion and ingredients wouldn't look to out of place so he nodded with satisfaction. She was just coming back out when he swirled his robes on and affixed his mask. She should have run in fear at seeing him in his full Death Eater regalia. Instead she stood firm and watched him with a carefully blank expression. Just as he turned to Apparate he heard her voice, a mere whisper, follow him into the ether and it his heart clenched at the sound. "Stay safe."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, kudos and comments are welcome!


	7. Unwanted Visitors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I just looked and was disappointed that I had not become the great J.K. Rowling in my sleep. So I decided to simply borrow her characters for a while instead. 
> 
> A/N: So life has been interfering greatly with my writing so unfortunately be updates are suffering from that. I have not given up on this story nor will I. It will just take me longer to get out there. In the mean time please keep up the helpful comments for I love to read them and sometimes read back through them to help inspire me. They helped be greatly to focus on this chapter as it had been giving me some trouble. So please read and review!

**Chapter 7:** _Unwanted Visitors_

 

 

Hermione rang in the new year alone in their room. The Wit-Sharpening potion had been finished and now the bottles sat on her desk in her room. She had helped herself to Severus whiskey and sat in front of the fire sipping her drink and trying not think about where the boys were. It took her a few minutes to realize that she was including Severus when she thought of 'her boys'. Harry and Ron had been her boys for years and worrying over them was second nature. Including Severus in her thoughts had come so naturally she didn't realize it was happening at first.

  
What really surprised her was how she did not shy away from including Severus in her thoughts. He was taking over her thoughts more and more with each passing day. He was becoming closer to her every day even if she still felt that she was no closer to him. As the whiskey settled into a pleasant buzz her thoughts turned both melancholy and strategic. How could a bossy swot like her break down the walls that Severus kept so strongly around him. Maybe her dog form could help? Would he be more willing to open up to her if she couldn't talk back...

She sat thinking long into the night before making her way to her room. She tossed and turned for most of the night before falling into an uneasy sleep as the light of dawn started to streak the horizon.

It was the sound of stones shifting that woke her around mid day and Hermione froze as soon as she sat up watching in amazement as her door was replaced by a solid stone wall. She could hear voices coming from what she assumed was the Headmasters office. The whinging nasally voice from before was speaking to an even more grating voice as they debated where Severus would be able to hide things. Hermione surmised that they were not looking for anything in particular as they asked back and forth what unknown to her items were. She heard the slamming of cabinet doors and rattling of glass as they tore through the office below. 

Her heart hammered in her chest when one of them gave a cry of surprise before the unmistakable sound of a door opening could be heard. Heavy footsteps thudded closer until a cry of delight came from just outside where Hermione's door used to be. Hermione stood quickly yet silently, gripping her wand tightly as she listened to the sounds of rummaging. Their voices were now muffled, the spell from the office not working in the chamber rooms themselves. Hermione prayed that she had not left anything where it could be found as she padded closer to the wall on silent feet. She leaned her ear where her door was and was able to just hear the two intruders.

"Look at this, sister dearest. It seems he has been working on something." Hermione closed her eyes tightly hoping the the idiot twins wouldn't think anything of a Potions Master brewing in his living room since she had not put away her cauldron after she had finished brewing the night before. 

"Hmm. What ever it was seems to be done now. Our Dark Lord has been having him brew something. Don't know why he would choose to brew here though instead of..." Alecto's voice was cut of by the sound of a loud pop and a shrill voice.

"You's nots to be in these rooms. These be the Headmasters rooms and yous do not has permission to be's in them. You's will leave now or Winky will be forced to removes you." Hermione tensed, hoping that Winky was not about to be punished as she threatened the interlopers. 

"HOW DARE YOU! You are just a house elf. You have no right to talk to your betters this way! You are an elf of this school and as such you will leave immediately, and you will not tell a soul that we were here." The shrill voice of Alecto climbed higher with each word until Hermione was surprised not to hear the breaking of glass. She had to force herself to keep her ear to the wall as not to miss anything.

"Winky is a free elf. Winky serves the Headmaster and the Headmaster only. You's may not tell Winky what to do. You's do not have the right to punish Winky for doing her job. If you's harm Winky, Winky will tell the Headmaster. Now LEAVE!" There was a loud pop and the room went silent for a moment until a distant screech sounded. It seemed the Carrows had been forcefully removed to outside of the gargoyle and were now screaming in rage at being thwarted. Hermione grinned even as she worried about how the Carrows would extract their revenge on the poor creature. Because they would most definitely try.

A soft pop sounded behind her and Hermione spun, wand at the ready. Winky stood before her, one long finger over her lips warning Hermione to stay quiet. Hermione quickly lowered her wand and gave the little elf a grateful smile. 

"Missy is safe now. Winky sent bad peoples away. Castle will let you out when bad people go." Winky whispered.

"Thank you. You were very brave Winky. Please be careful though. They aren't going to let you get away with it and Sever... The Headmaster will have to do something or they will get suspicious." Hermione kept her worried gaze on the small elf as she whispered back. Winky gave her a knowing smile.

"Headmaster is a good man. He will be telling Winky to punish herself. But Headmaster will not be saying how Winky must do so. Winky knows Headmaster will not want Winky to punish herself too badly so Winky will not. It is what Headmaster does when Winky must help the children and the bad people find out. It is not the first time Winky has had to punish herself. Last time Winky is not getting tea time. Once Winky is having to not help with dinner. Winky likes help with dinner so is punishment enough. The bad people are not smart. Headmaster tells Winky to punish herself in front of them and they do not be asking how." Hermione's grin grew as her worry faded. Instead her stomach gave a loud grumble and Winky gave a small nod before popping away. Before Hermione could even cross the room a breakfast tray appeared at her desk.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

It was two days later that Severus finally returned. The castle had hidden her once more but this time it was only Minerva grumbling about the office as she left some paperwork. Mostly Hermione spent her time revising and when her worry about where Severus was became too great, she would spend some time in her dog form, trying to get used to it while fighting against the instincts. 

She was doing just that when she heard the sound of a door slam shut. On high alert she twitched her ears forward to listen as footsteps crossed the office below directly to the hidden door. Her nose twitched as she backed away from the entrance, her instincts taking over and instead of hiding, she was ready to protect her home. Lips curled over long fanged canines and a warning growl rumbled through her. Her nose twitched again and finally caught the scent of the person coming up the stairs. The sharp tang of blood was prevalent but she gave a soft whine as the other scents broke through. She recognized the woodsy herbal scent.

Hermione was finally able to regain some control now that she knew that it was not a threat coming through the door. Not enough to change back but enough that she didn't throw herself at him again as he finally came into view. Her body wriggled from the force of her tail as she cautiously came forward to greet the dark wizard framed in the doorway. He had stopped upon entering the room, watching her warily as she crept closer.

Hermione came up to him as slowly as she could, still fighting against her doggy instincts. She forced herself to only bump his hand and give it was lick in greeting before sitting back and staring at him, excitement making her shiver as her tail thumped against the floor. Severus gave her a quirk of his lips before walking past her, patting his leg twice to tell her to follow. She staid right on his hip as he fell into her chair and her head came to rest on his knee. His hand stroked her head, scratching her behind the ear and she closed her eyes in bliss. 

They remained that way for a few minutes, both of them calming under the attention of the other. When she was finally back in complete control Hermione realized just what was happening. Severus was petting her head. Dog form or not she should be highly embarrassed. What disturbed her was that she was not. She liked doing this for him, just being there, a steady presence as he relaxed. However she knew the moment could not last much longer and the smell of blood on him was starting to make her sick, dog form or no. So she gently raised her head, giving his hand one last lick before moving away. She turned to see him watching her with a brow raised before turning back into her human self. His face immediately closed off and she felt a pang of loss in her chest. Apparently dog Hermione was ok to relax around but human Hermione had not yet earned that right. May never earn that right. So she sighed heavily before sitting across from him.

"Welcome home, sir." Hermione tried to keep her voice light even as sadness and worry threatened to overwhelm her. "If you are in need of some first aide, I know a few spells that may help."

"Why would you think I needed first aide Miss Granger?" 

"Hermione. I think that patting my head and scratching my ears gives you the right to call me by my first name." Hermione took a gamble. It seemed like Severus was trying to separate the dog from the human her and she wasn't going to allow it. Not if she ever wanted to become friends with the man. There was a long pause however and Hermione started to worry she had overstepped some imaginary line until he spoke.

"Hermione." She hoped he didn't see her small sigh of relief. "I do not like to repeat myself."

Hermione thought back a moment before she realized that he had asked her a question. "Oh. The blood, sir. My nose is much better in my other form and I could smell it on you before you even came in the room." She watched as his eyebrow rose and viciously pushed away the urge to run her finger over his expressive brow.  
"I am uninjured... this time. The Dark Lord decided to hold a celebration of sorts. The blood is from the nights entertainment." The dark look he gave her quelled any further questions she had.

"That's good to hear sir. Not that the entertainment was so..." Hermione trailed off, refusing to put a word to anything that might have left so much blood on the mans robes. "I am just glad you are not physically hurt sir." She lowered her eyes, staring at the rug in front of the hearth as once again there was a long pause.

"Severus." He had spoken so quietly that at first Hermione questioned if he had spoke at all. She looked up at him in question to see his lips quirk, his tell for when he was amused. "If I am to call you Hermione, it is only proper that you should use my given name as well."

Hermione could not stop the smile as that broke across her face, nor the happy glint shining in her eye as she was given permission to use his name. It would be much easier now to not slip up and use it accidentally as he became more familiar with him. And he with her. She was surprised to see the softening of his face and both sides of his mouth twitched up in a small but answering smile. Then as if he was surprised at his own actions he stood suddenly and turned towards his rooms. Hermione watched him in confusion as he left the sitting room and closed his door firmly.

Worry and doubt started to eat at her. Why had he left? Was it because she pushed to far? Was using first names such a burden that he now felt the need to run away from her? She felt her brow furrow deeply as she stared uncomprehending at his closed door. Then the sound of water rushing through pipes could be heard and understanding dawned. He had been gone for three days and she had already commented on the smell of blood. Of course he would want to take a shower and find clean cloths. Hermione sighed in relief and wondered if he was hungry. It was nearing lunch and who knew when the last time he had any food was. A few moments later Winky had been called and dispatched to bring an early meal up and Hermione was back to reading on Animagus forms.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Severus had seemed pleased to find food waiting for him when he had come out of his room freshly dressed. Hermione had only given him a small smile as he sat and they began to eat. Hermione relayed what had happened between the Carrows and Winky on New Years and Severus promised not to punish the elf to severely. After finishing up Severus had told her he would need to spend some time in his office, catching up on everything he had missed while away and Hermione decided to spend some more time in her dog form now that she was making progress with her instinct control.

An hour later, Hermione was simply laying in a patch of afternoon sunlight when voices drifted up from below. Not wanting to do anything foolish she quickly changed back into her human self and sat back to listen.

"Your little house elf Whiny, or Winny, or whatever her name is was entirely to uppity while you were away, Severus. Why she used magic on us! Threatened us she did!" Hermione felt her face drain. 

"That's right. Sent Amycus and I half way across the castle, the foul little thing. Said that she didn't have to listen to us neither. Why I don't know why you keep the dirty beast around with an attitude like that. You should get rid of her at once." 

"Winky is the only elf who knows exactly how I like my tea and the proper amount of starch for my shirts. I do not wish to spend months having to train another elf properly so whatever she did must be truly horrible for me to even consider removing her from her post. You say that she used magic to send you across the castle. Where were you that she felt the need to remove you so?" Hermione wondered how he was able to keep such a calm, emotionless voice in spite of the Carrow's rising tempers.

"We just came by to leave you something is all. Your door was open and we was just checking to make sure no body was breaking into your private rooms. She came in as we was checking and started yelling and threatening us. Then when we tried to explain she just snapped her fingers and we found ourselves... somewhere else." Hermione could hear the lie in Amycus voice even without knowing the truth. And if she could hear it Severus surely could as well. 

"If it is as you say then it would indeed be a grave offense. Winky get in here." Somehow there was no sign of disbelief in Severus voice even if Hermione was sure there was a twitch in his brow.

"Headmaster sir is calling Winky."

"You filthy little elf. Tell the Headmaster how you attacked us, used your magic on us without cause!" Apparently Alecto still thought the elf would be forced to obey even after being forcefully removed by said elf. Hermione snorted at the pompous blowhard.

"Winky is doing no such thing. Winky was only removing you's from where you's were not to be. No one is allowed in Headmasters rooms when Headmaster does not invite them in." Hermione could picture how the elf would be standing as tall as she could and looking down her nose at the annoying twins even from her shorter vantage point.

"How dare you lie! You ungrateful, dirty, annoying..."

"That is quite enough." Hermione shivered and the cool controlled words Severus seemed to hiss. "Winky, no matter the reason the fact is you used magic without permission on a teacher of this school. This is unacceptable. You will no longer be under my employ from this day on. You will have to find a new master... or mistress to serve." Hermione gasped. Surely he wasn't going to dismiss Winky! The house elf had said that he had always left the punishments up to the little elf in the past. She was a free elf and no wizarding household would pay wages for an elf when enslaving one was so much cheaper. Those who couldn't afford an elf of their own wouldn't be able to afford to pay the little elf either. Oh what was Winky going to do.

"As the Headmaster wishes." There was a small pop and Hermione had to cover her mouth to stop the squeak as Winky appeared before her. "Winky be looking for new master now. Winky decides to have mistress. You will be Winky's new mistress." 

Confused was putting it mildly. Surely Winky did not say what she thought. How could Hermione have a house elf without first having a house? And without any money how would she keep the poor thing? "Winky, I don't understand. I don't have a house or money. How can I be your mistress if I have no house for you or way of paying you?"

"Hogwarts be Mistress Granger's house until Mistress finds house of own. Winky wants no pay. Winky knows Mistress will not like having elf without pay so Winky will agree to one galleon a month, to be paid when Mistress can. Winky knows Mistress will keep track until Mistress can pay."

Hermione was amazed. Not only did Winky find the loop hole that Severus gave her when he fired her, but she also had an answer for all of the reservations Hermione had about keeping an elf of her own. "Winky, did you and the Headmaster discuss this before?"

"The Headmaster is a good man. He knows that Winky will be in danger of bad peoples. So after Mistress shows up, Headmaster talks with Winky. Tells Winky that when the day comes that Winky is fired, she is to go to Mistress. He tells Winky that she will have to accept pay or Mistress will be upset so Winky decides to accept pay in order to stay close to Mistress and to help Hogwarts. Winky will not let bad people see her but will help where she can."

"There is one last thing if I am to agree to this. I do not like being called Mistress. I would prefer if you would call me Hermione." Resigned Hermione tried to come to terms with the fact that she was now the employer of the little elf. Even if the elf refused to be paid until a later date.

"Winky could never be so improper to her Mistress. Winky will be calling Mistress Mistress or Missy." Hermione looked down at the proud creature in front of her and could not help but give her a smile. Apparently being mistress did not mean the elf would do ANYTHING for her.

"Fine, Missy it is then."  


	8. Meeting the Staff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Same as always.
> 
> A/N: I want to apologize for the long wait. This chapter has been re written a few times and I didn't know if I liked the way it was headed but it would not be written differently. It is a bit longer than what I usually post and I hope to be able to post more soon. So please forgive the my absence and remember that Kudos and Comments are always greatly appreciated.

Severus sat staring intently at the seat on the couch beside Hermione. Ever since he decided to give friendship with the slip of a girl a chance he found himself longing to be closer to her and wondering if she would ever provide the opportunity to do so. So far in the two days since his return he had only been able to be closer to her while she was shifted in her dog form. She had told him they were one and the same yet even she seemed to unconsciously separate the two. She was affectionate and playful while she was a dog yet still seemed shy and uncertain under her facade of confidence while in her human form. In her dog form she would sit at his knee, resting her head in his lap and nudge his hand until he consented to pet her shoulders and scratch her ears. They had spent several long moments like that and he enjoyed the closeness. Then she would return to her human form and the most becoming blush would stain her cheeks before she meekly sat down in her usual spot on the couch. So here he was, staring at the cushion beside her with a vengeance as he wracked his brain for an excuse, any excuse, to warrant sitting beside her. So lost in his search for an excuse he almost jumped when she spoke.

  
"I do not know what the cushion did but I am sure it would apologize if it were able." Severus looked over to see Hermione smirking at him even as she kept her eyes trained on the book in front of her.

"Excuse me?"

  
"You are staring at that cushion like it had done something to personally offend you, Severus. Is everything alright?" She looked up at him now. Her curios yet amused face had somehow become so endearingly familiar to him.

"I'm fine." he sounded gruff even to his own ears but could not help it.

  
"You know Severus, since the cushions have done nothing wrong, and are if fact quite comfortable, you could always sit on them." Hermione's words were slightly muffled as she hid behind her book. He could see the tips of her ears reddening with shyness as she continued. "You know you are always welcome to sit by me. I promise I won't bite."  
"Not even if I said 'please'?" Severus froze as he realized what he had just said. Years of masking his thoughts was the only thing keeping him from blushing at his own words. Instead he just raised a single brow at Hermione's shocked expression as she let the book she had been reading drop into her lap with a thud. She stared at him, mouth open and eyes wide, as his thoughts raced behind his own indifferent mask. Had he gone to far? Had his mindless comment ruined their tentative friendship? Would she see it as a jest ignoring the half seriousness of the careless remark? Or would she see it as the flirting comment it was?

  
"Severus did you just make a joke?" She seemed almost afraid but if it was of the question or the answer that scared her he didn't know.

  
"Not many know this but I do in fact have a sense of humor. You need not act so surprised." There not the the truth but not a lie either.

  
"I'm sorry. You took me by surprise is all." She flashed him a shy smile before patting the seat beside her. "My offer still stands by the way. You are welcome to come sit by me."

  
Severus stared at the seat a moment longer before grabbing his previously forgotten book and crossing to sit in the deep cushion. As he sat back stretching his feet out and relaxing he caught a whiff of coconut. He found he liked the almost exotic scent and inhaled deeply, content to simply sit and read near her. He was pleasantly surprised when Hermione shifted around to lean against him as she went back to her own reading. With the warmth of her seeping into his arm and the scent of coconut wafting up from her hair to envelope him he could forget for a few moments the misery of his life as both spy and hated headmaster. He decided then and there he would make this spot his new go to seat. Thus decided he focused on the book before him and let the outside world fade away.

 

~~~~~~~

 

The next day found Severus again back in his usual seat across from the couch where Hermione perched. He surreptitiously watched emotions flow across her face. She was pretending to read but he new by the flashes of confusion, resignation, and even hurt that crossed her face she was wondering why he did not sit beside her again. Severus let her stew a few more minutes. He had decided that he needed some space from her in order to properly discuss what he was about to with her. Just as the hurt returned to her face he finally put her out of her misery.

  
"I think it may be time to introduce my new 'pet' to the staff." Severus struggled to hide his smirk as she dropped her book and looked at him in shock. Twice in less than 24 hours he had managed to stun her temporarily speechless and he gave himself a mental pat on the back.

  
His self congratulation was soon interrupted by a happy squeal as the young woman across from him threw herself across the small distance separating them and threw her arms around him. Severus froze as the girl hugged him in delight and it took a moment for him to respond by reaching up and patting her awkwardly on the back. It had been far too long since Lily had taught him how to respond to friendly touches and embraces and he was slow to remember.

  
Sooner than he would like she pulled away and smiled radiantly at him. His breath caught and he had to stifle an answering grin at the beautiful smile bestowed upon him. His indifferent mask refused to fall into place and he found himself smirking at her as he felt his brow raise in amusement at her exuberance.

  
"Do you mean it? Do you really think I am ready? Who should I meet first? Or should I just start following you around? What will you call me? How should I act? I mean I know I can't act friendly but should I go for more aloof or maybe mean? I could do mean you know. It might be easier now that I think about it. I mean at least then I can channel my emotions in some manner as the come up. Do you think..." Severus let out a low chuckle as Hermione drew away and started pacing in front of him talking a mile a minute. She could not remained speechless for long it seemed. Her joy and excitement was catching and he wanted to laugh outright at just how quickly she had reverted to her usual talkative self. Even now she was talking about the pros and cons of meeting the faculty one on one as apposed to just showing up without warning. Still smirking in amusement he finally interrupted her when she started to repeat herself.

  
"Miss Granger. If you would kindly take a seat and let speak I am sure we can answer a few of your questions." Looking contrite Hermione sat back in her seat but her leg bounced slightly as her excited energy sought an outlet. "Now as for your original questions. Yes I do mean it and after your display of control upon my return from... elsewhere, I think you are ready. I do not think that following me into the Great Hall would be best however there is a staff meeting coming up this evening and we could start there. Together I am sure we can come up with a suitable name before then. And finally how you act is up to you, just be sure that whatever you decide you stick with it every time we leave these rooms. I do not need a dog whose personality changes on a whim."

  
"Thank you, Severus. I won't let you down." Her eyes still shown with excitement and her mouth was still spread in a wide grin and Severus found it the most beautiful thing he had seen in a very long time. He gave her a small smile of his own as they started going over suitable names for her other self.

 

~~~~~~

 

Hermione wandered around the staff room in her dog form as they waited for everyone else to arrive. They had arrived early to the meeting to give her time to adjust to the new space and prepare herself for meeting the rest of the staff who were due to arrive any minute. She was sniffing a particularly interesting scent in what appeared to be Professor Flitwicks favorite chair when she hear foot steps approaching. Her ears perked up and her head swung towards the closed door before she hurried to Severus side. He sat in a tall backed chair at the end of the room farthest from the main door and she sat beside him and fell into 'protective' mode. Her hackles rose and she let out a low growl as the foot steps came closer even as more came into her hearing from farther down the hall. She even curled back her lips to show off her long canines as the door swung open.

  
Minerva McGonagall stopped mid step and her eyes opened in shock. Hermione felt a pang of regret fro startling her mentor of six years so but quickly shoved it aside. She was Severus dog now and she had a role to play.

  
Pomona Sprout and Filius Flitwick came into view behind Minerva and peered around her to see what had stopped her. Filius let out a startled squeak and Pomona gasped as her hand came to rest on her breast. Hermione leaned forward aggressively and let out another low and menacing growl. It was then that Severus reached down and lay his hand on her head.

  
Again she struggled with her instincts, forcing herself to focus on 'protecting her master' when she wanted to wag her tail and rub her head against the comforting pat. Instead she snarled at the quickly filling doorway, half raising from her seated position. As more professors arrived and caught sight of the intimidating Headmaster with his fierce companion her protective instincts went on high alert and she fell more fully into her dog mode. When Severus let out a low chuckle she relaxed slightly, knowing her master was not worried.

  
"Stand down, Athena." She immediately obeyed the command, spoken loudly enough for the others to hear. She relaxed against her masters leg wanting nothing more than to make him happy. She let her tail wag slightly when his long fingers scratched affectionately behind her ear in the spot he knew she liked. "Good girl."

  
Hermione quickly tensed and dragged herself out of her full dog persona. For a moment there she had truly been Athena but those two little words sent such an intense bolt of excitement through her she had to fight against everything in her not to writhe in pleasure. Both her human and canine selves were over the moon at those two little works. Words that until now she didn't realize just how much she longed to hear from the stern man beside her. She was fighting so hard not to jump in his lap and give him doggy kisses that it took her a moment to realize that Severus had also tensed up and that the rest of the staff were now moving warily into the room. Slowly he drew his hand away and Hermione wished she could let him know that he didn't do anything wrong.

  
Slowly she let herself relax against him as she fell back into being Athena. She let herself lean back into her master's leg and thanked her enhanced hearing once again. She could actually hear the strain leave master's voice as his hand returned to her head. He had already started the staff meeting but while her ears twitched back and forth to follow the voices the words were unimportant to her doggy self. It was only when master spoke that she paid any attention and instead rest her head on masters knee and enjoyed his idle petting.

  
It wasn't until the end of the meeting that her presence was finally questioned. Minerva was the one to bring it up, asking only if they could expect to see Athena around the castle. Master simply stated that there was nothing to worry as he would always accompany his new pet if she left his private quarters. His tone implied that he would not be questioned about Athena's presence nor would he explain himself to anyone. Minerva gave him a sour look that clearly said the matter was not over but let it drop for now and master dismissed the room.

  
As soon as the last teacher left, many giving her wary glances, Severus stood. He didn't speak simply motioned for her to follow and she did so gladly as they made their way back through the hidden door, and back into his office. Master stopped abruptly in the middle of the room.

  
"Granger, shift if you would." Hermione immediately came back to herself and looked up at Severus to see worry in his eyes. She quickly stepped away a bit before shifting back into her human form. She waited, facing away, for Severus to speak. "I hope that nothing I said offended you. It was not my intention. You keep trying to tell me that you and Athena are the same person, but in front of the staff I must treat you like a pet. It is for your own safety as well as my own."

  
"I was not offended, Severus." Hermione drew in a deep breath. She knew she had to tell him the truth, all of the truth, even as she feared his reaction to her confession. "I did not realize till today just how easy it is to slip entirely into 'dog mode' as it were. As much as I tried to say we are the same it is not always the case. Athena is me but at the same time she is a dog and as such when I let go of my control she acts accordingly. It is easier to let her out as needed then to simply be Hermione acting like a dog. It was while I was Athena that you said something that forced me to take back control.

  
"I am sure you are aware by now, but your approval is something I been striving for for years. Add to the canine instincts, hearing you say 'good girl' becomes a very dangerous combination. I was excited, not displeased. Dogs are pack animals and they need an Alpha or master. You have become my master and it is every dogs greatest wish to please their master."

  
There was a long pause after Hermione finished and she wished she still had her canine hearing as she waited for him to speak. If she had such ability she would have heard the sharp intake of Severus breath as she called him master, and she would hear his quiet yet harsh breathing as he struggled to get himself under control.

  
"It seems, Hermione, that I am not the only one who uses dangerous words." Severus low rich voice curled around her and she knew that her gasp was audible as the meaning sunk in. Her heart seemed like it was trying to beat out of her chest. Each breath was a struggle as she tried to calm her racing thoughts. Over the sound of her racing heart she could hear the sound of Severus cloak swish as he moved towards her. She began to tremble as his steady footsteps drew nearer. She stopped breathing all together as he got close enough for her to hear the somewhat unsteady cadence of his breathing. Her entire body flushed with awareness as the heat of his body reached her. He stopped so close to her she felt her hair stirring with his breath and let out a shaky one of her own. She jumped ever so slightly but didn't move away as she felt his warm fingers gently caress her arm from shoulder to wrist. Goose bumps were left in his fingers wake and her breath left her in a rush as she looked down to watch as his pale delicate digits slowly made their way down her arm to caress her wrist. She gaze slowly raised, her thoughts scattered, to look over her shoulder at him. His dark gaze bore into her own and her knees went weak at the heat and longing shining in them. Hope that maybe there could be something more between her and the taciturn man swelled with in her and she turned unconsciously towards him. She stood still as she felt his hand reverse its course and travel back up her arm, gently caressing her neck, before coming to rest cupping her cheek. Her eyes closed at the warmth and she tilted her head up in surrender to the pulsing desire coursing through her. She felt his breath caress her face and found herself liking the minty freshness tempered by strong black tea. Just as she was sure his lips would brush against hers, they both froze at the sound of a throat clearing loudly.

  
Startled they jumped away from each other, both breathing harshly as they tried to regain control. A second clearing of a throat had them looking around to see Dumbledore watching them with a knowing smile and brilliant twinkle. "As much as I hate interrupting, I thought you would like to know that Minerva is on her way now."

  
"Thank you Albus." Severus didn't even give her a second glance as he swept back to his desk. Hermione took a long deep breath, forcing herself to put any thoughts of her and Severus aside. She quickly shifted into her dog form and took her place at Severus side as the sound of the stairs once again warned of an impending visitor.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Minerva had been cautious and furious when she walked into the office. By the time she left 20 minutes later Severus had sarcasmed his way into showing her that his new familiar was to be trusted. Athena had played her part well, mostly due to the fact that she let her canine instincts to please take over when he demonstrated to Minerva just how well 'trained' she was. Minerva had left in a huff but grudgingly acknowledged that Severus had found himself a well trained companion.

  
As soon as Minerva left Severus headed directly to their private quarters and Hermione followed. She wasn't ready yet to face him as a woman so she remained in canine form. Severus stopped in the middle of the living area and Hermione watched him warily. Finally her canine self could not stand the growing tension and crept up carefully to his side. She let out a distressed whine as she nosed his hand, her doggy self wanting to comfort its master.

  
Hermione let her human thoughts come forward as Severus hand started to gently stroke her head and shoulders. She knew that they had come to an understanding, even a tentative friendship, over the past few weeks. Her hopes of something more had been pushed aside more times than she could count. Now she was wondering if it had all been for naught. Could his actions and words really mean what she hoped they meant? Was something deeper possible with the sarcastic and brilliant man? Was it possible that he felt the same as she did?

  
Hermione wouldn't know these answers until she shifted back but she was unable to bring herself to do so. What if she had read the situation wrong? What if she had only imagined connection between them? Was he only reacting to the moment or did he feel the same draw that she did?

  
The speed of Severus petting slowed until he finally stopped. He took a few steps away and Hermione stayed back. His tense shoulders and refusal to meet her eye only served to make her doubts double. She let out a long distressed whine that only served to make Severus tense more. She watched him, both her human and canine hearts breaking as she prepared herself for his rejection and dismissal.

  
"Granger, I think we need to talk about what happened. However it is difficult to have a discussion when only one of us can be understood." Hermione watched closely as Severus turned to face her. His blank mask of indifference gave nothing away and she whined again but forced herself to shift. She could not however bring herself to look at him. She could not watch as the man she had grown so fond of in such a short amount of time rejected what she knew could grow to be something very real. So she stared dejectedly at the worn rug in front of the fireplace as she waited for him to speak.

  
"Hermione." The sound of her name softly spoken in his seductive voice had her fighting back tears. "What happened in the office was my fault. I apologize for being so forward. I hope that you will forgive me and not let my moment of weakness affect our... friendship. I do not want any action on my part to make you uncomfortable around me. I assure you it will not happen again and you will be safe with me. I hope that you can forget about what happened and we can continue on as we have."

  
Hermione felt as a tear escaped to run down her cheek and she forced herself to look into the blank mask of the man before her. Not even his usually expressive eyes gave anything away as he apologized and Hermione felt her heart break a little more. His hope was that she forget what had happened. He wanted nothing more than friendship. What she had hoped to be a start to something more now seemed to be an end. So she grit her teeth and steeled her spine as what little hope his actions in the office had elicited. So with a heavy heart she resigned herself to do as he asked.

  
"If that is what want, sir." It was the first time she had failed to use his name since granted permission to do so but she needed the distance not using it provided. She didn't say another word as she turned and walked as steadily as she could to her room. Her hand shook as she pointed her wand and cast a hasty silencing charm at the door so he wouldn't hear her sobs.

 


	9. A Reason to Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Soooo sorry about such a long wait. Not only have the characters gotten away from me but then life did too. This story is now back on track and after rewriting this chapter too many times to count I finally have a version I am happy with. I hope all of you are as well. I have also updated the tags to warn against the turn this story took. So for those who did not see the change there will be some bdsm in this story. How light or heavy I am not sure yet. However starting next chapter it will become a part of the overall story. 
> 
> Now without further ado, here is the long awaited for chapter. Enjoy.

Severus sat glaring once again at the seat beside Hermione. It had been three days now since he had spent that near perfect afternoon reading with her snuggled to his side. Now though the distance was back, even more so than before. He had welcomed the easy friendship that had been growing between them even if he still refused to let her know it. He had grown comfortable enough with the girl to flirt even. Her casual touches and warm hugs had been coming more often and he had reveled in every one.

  
Now she was back to treating him like just a professor and he missed their easy conversations and her frequent touches. She had not used his given name again since the staff meeting and he knew that he really had crossed the line that day. Even his apology had not been enough to salvage their friendship. He had tried to forget that day but it refused to stay buried behind his shields. Even now he could remember the sound of her ragged breathing, the softness of her skin. He could clearly recall the way her eyes had looked back at him, heavy lidded with what he could have sworn was an answering desire. Her perfect lips had parted with expectation and a moment more and he would have tasted them.

  
He both cursed and thanked Dumbledore for interrupting. He had been lost in the moment, his inner darkness consuming him from the moment he heard the word 'master' pass her lips. He had overlooked the fact she had been talking about Athena at the time and his brain had derailed. All he could think about in that moment was her lying naked and bound to his bed. In that moment he had let himself believe that she wanted him, could want him. It wasn't until they were interrupted that reason returned and he was able to push the darkness back and realize just what he had done. He had jeopardized their friendship because of a single word. A word she hadn't even meant, not like that.

  
So he had asked her to forget about his moment of weakness even as he felt a pang in his heart at the request. The look he had mistaken for desire could only have been nerves and he did not want her to be wary of him, not after such a display of the darkness within him. Darkness he usually was able to keep at bay around her. She had agreed to forget about it, or so he thought. Since then however she had been nothing but coolly polite, speaking only when spoken to. She was also back to calling him Headmaster Snape. He had tried to use her given name a few times since then but in the face of her unwavering coldness she had become Granger once again.

  
He hated it. Hated the stilted and forced conversations and tense silences. He hated the way she refused to look him in the eye. He despised the lack of warmth her friendship had given him. He missed the pats on the shoulder and yearned for her touch in any way he could get it. And he hated himself for giving into his dark desires for even a moment.

  
So here he sat. Him in his chair and her curled up stiffly on the end of the couch. Only a few steps and he could be beside her but her carefully avoided eyes and cold shoulder told him it would not be welcome. Not now and unless he did something, possibly not ever. That was not a thought he could stand so he planned on doing something he had never done before. He was going to be open and honest with her, because even losing her completely would be better than having her so close yet so distant.

  
So for the first time in twenty years he let down his walls completely. All of them, both the ones around his heart and the ones he maintained around his mind. It was easier than he thought it would be until he realized just how weak his walls had been around her recently. Weak enough to flirt then too completely step over the line.

  
Suddenly he was bombarded with emotion. Every pain, every hurt, and every small ray of happiness that made up his most hated and his most treasured memories that he had kept hidden. Some of them even from himself.

  
He was scared that they memories of her would overwhelm him but was surprised to find them faded, the emotions dulled. He knew it was not time that dulled the emotions, since many other memories were just as painful as the day he buried them. It wasn't as much of a shock as it should have been to realize that the reason for the change was sitting across from him, looking at him with concern. The first time in three days that she looked him in the eye and it was while he was getting himself back under control. He probably should have waited until he had gotten through this part but he knew that he would have never faced her after if he had let down his walls in private first.

  
It took a few minutes to push past his inner turmoil and focus on his emotions involving just Hermione. This involved more than a few memories he wouldn't have thought would be included until he was forced to view them like this. She had already helped to dull the pain that she had caused him but she had also gone a long way to fill a few different holes as well. The pain from having a hard childhood was soothed by the memories of soft touches. The pain of going through a friendless time at school was assuaged by the easy camaraderie they had developed. The aggravation of years of teaching idiots was appeased by the memory of her sparkling eyes as they discussed a topic she was curious about. He knew he was looking at her in wonder now as he realized just what this scrap of a girl meant to him.

  
"What do you want from me?" Severus tried to say this firmly and bit his own tongue when it came out as barely a whisper. Still he knew she heard by the way she tensed and her fingers gripped the book. She was silent for so long he thought she was once again going to ignore him, to pretend she hadn't heard him speak. He had nearly given up hope, half raising to escape the crushing silence, when her words reached just as quiet as his own.

  
"I think the better question is what is it that you want from me, Professor?"

  
"Don't. Please, no more 'Headmaster' or 'Professor'. That's who I am out there, who I am forced to be. But in here with you I once was and need still to be Severus. Just tell me what I have to do so that I can be Severus to you once more." Being so open with anyone left a sour taste in his mouth but he forced each word out. To be so straightforward after a lifetime of speaking in half lies and twisted truths was almost physically painful. Yet he had to or he knew he would lose her completely. Which was something he feared even more than the pain of being so vulnerable. He knew his days were limited in number and he found himself becoming selfish in his desire for just one thing to call his own. Her friendship was that one thing.

  
"All right Severus what do you want from me?" Severus let out a breath of relief at hearing his name once again pass her lips, even if it came out slightly strained. His relief was short lived however as he contemplated her question.

  
"I want us to go back to how we were before I messed it all up. We were becoming friends you and I. I want that back. The quiet nights reading together. The pleasant afternoons of eating lunch together while discussing whatever you had been studying." He had been watching her as he spoke. Watched the emotions flit across her face even as pain seemed to overwhelm them. So it was with a heavy heart and expectations of complete rejection that he finished. "I want to be able to sit beside you again and not feel like I am intruding. I want to feel your hand on my arm when you get excited during a debate. I want to never go a day without feeling your touch, however fleeting, as we spend our days as good friends once more."

  
"And that's it?" Her question and bland tone confused Severus. What more was there? He looked upon her carefully blanked face and felt a glimmer of hope blink inside him. "Is all you want friendship? Is there no other type of relationship you would want with me?”

  
The last word was barely a whisper but it hit him like a punch in the gut. He froze completely in his seat as his breath left him in a quiet whoosh. The glimmer of hope flared bright for a moment before he shoved it aside. His brow furrowed as he stared at her still carefully blanked face. She must have been working on perfecting it but he could still see the fear and nervousness in her eyes. How was he to tell this beautiful young woman the truth? How did you tell such an innocent and intelligent witch that you wished to be not only her friend, but her lover and her master as well? Even if she was asking explicitly. So he hedged.

  
"It doesn't matter what I want Hermione. Friendship is all we can have because in the end you deserve so much more than what I can offer. Even if you were agreeable." She was about to speak, indignation clear on her face, and he knew she was about to try and justify himself to... himself. But that was a fight for another time. "Before you say anything let me clarify. You deserve more than the few short months I would be able to offer. You deserve finding someone to build a life with. To have a future with. Because you have your whole life ahead of you Hermione, and I... I won't live past this war."

  
She was just staring at him blankly, shock and disbelief swirling in her expressive gaze. He gave her a few minutes to adjust to the news before continuing his explanation. "Without going into too much detail, the time will come when the Dark Lord will kill me. He will think that my death will give him the advantage over Potter. What he can't know is that killing me will do nothing for him. He will go into a fight with Potter overconfident thinking he has a huge advantage. An advantage I had hoped to give to Potter but due to some obscure magic and bad timing the best my death will bring is keeping the advantage from the Dark Lord."

  
"You are talking about Dumbledore and the Elder Wand?" Now it was his turn to stare at her in surprise. She was staring thoughtfully out into space as she continued. "Dumbledore left me a book of fairy tales. You may have heard tales about Harry, Ron, and I slipping through some Death Eaters fingers while visiting Mr. Lovegood. He confirmed that the Deathly Hollows were something that people actively searched for. Your story just put a few puzzle pieces in place. The Death Stick, or Elder Wand, had a bloody history and Snake Face will think you are the new owner of the wand. But by the way you are talking, this isn't right. What obscure magic and bad timing is working to keep the advantage in Harry's favor?"

  
He could feel the surprise on his face, a side effect of keeping his walls down meant it was harder to hide his emotions as they came. However, this was one of the things he liked about Hermione. He didn't have to explain every little detail for her to understand. She was able to make the necessary leaps in logic to get to the answer herself. It was only one small piece of the puzzle she was missing; a piece he was willing to give her.

  
"The obscure bit of magic working in Potters favor involves the magic of wands. Specifically the magic of mastering a wand. It is common knowledge that the wand chooses the wizard but what most people don't realize is that a wand can change allegiance if certain conditions are met. All it takes is for a wizard to be defeated for the wand to change its allegiance to the wizard who beat the original master. Most of the time the wand stays with its original master so the transfer of mastership never takes place. More powerful wands, like the Elder Wand, will only work properly for someone who masters it by defeating the previous master. The Dark Lord knows the rumors and myths surrounding the Elder Wand and he will find it. He will also believe the rumors that say that the previous master must be killed in order to obtain mastery. What he won't realize is that it is not death, just defeat, which is needed to transfer mastery of a wand."

  
"So Snake Face will think that you have the mastery because you killed Dumbledore." Severus raised an amused brow at Hermione's nickname for the Dark Lord, only to flinch at her casual mention of his greatest regret. He didn't have time to ponder her cavalier attitude to his act of murder as she was again showing her amazing deductive reasoning skills. "So he will think its you but you were not the one to defeat Dumbledore. Malfoy did that before you even got there. So in order to not only keep him from gaining mastery of a powerful wand, but also to save Malfoy's life you have to be the one to die."

  
"Indeed." Severus let out a sigh of relief. Dumbledore was the only other one who knew these things and he didn't realize that having someone else know his secret would be so liberating. What he didn't expect were her next words.

  
"So in other words Snake Face only has to think you are dead. Whether you actually die or not is beside the point. He won’t know the difference because your death won’t give him what he wants anyways. So the question is what is the most likely way he will kill you?" Severus just stared at her for a few moments. For months he had been resigned to the fact that he would have to die to give Potter an advantage to win the war and defeat the Dark Lord. For months he was unconcerned about the fact that he would not live past the war. That he would not have to deal with the backlash his actions would cause in a postwar world was simply a bonus. No matter which side won, neither world after would have a place for him in it. He had done too much to ever expect to lead any type of life after certain truths came out.

  
Now here was an amazing woman who was acting like surviving the war was only an oversight, not a resigned acceptance after careful thought. She was so sure that with a little planning he would survive the war and... then what. What did she think would happen afterwards?

  
"To what end, Hermione?" She was back to confused. Even her amazing leaps in logic could not consider that he would not be opposed to dying. "Say that I trick the Dark Lord and survive the war. If Potter fails and the Dark Lord wins I will be a hunted man. Or Potter wins and then what? I am a double agent who killed a great man. Even if the Ministry somehow pardons me, I will never be trusted and mostly hated by all. I will never work for Hogwarts again after this year. Not that I would want to, too many years of bad memories. What does the world have for me after all the war?"

  
Hermione was silent a long time, emotions flashing in her eyes. For a moment he thought he might have pushed her too far, told her too much. Until she frowned, hurt and anger settling in her eyes and straightening her spine. He almost feared whatever logical reasoning she was about to hit him with. Which made him even more unprepared for her next question.

  
"So there is nothing, no reason at all, that you have to want to survive this war?" It wasn't a logic question that he could fight against. Her switch over to emotional was another thing that intrigued him about her. Not only was she able to make such amazing logical leaps but she was also so in tune with her emotions that she could reason on a whole new level, one he blocked off from himself many years ago. One that he had little ability to counter.

  
"There wasn't. Before." He wouldn't say any more. He couldn't. If he admitted to himself, to her, that for the first time in nearly six months he was tempted to rethink his resolve, he would falter. “However, it doesn’t matter. To even attempt to deceive the Dark Lord like that would be suicide. He would kill me if he knew I was even thinking it. Right now he won’t kill me till the last possible moment. If he found out I was trying to deceive him like this he would kill me on the spot in the most painful way he could.”  
"Severus, I asked you this once, I am going to ask you again. This time when you answer I don't want you to think of anything but what you want. Don't think about all the reasons why it would be a bad idea; just answer it as if the world was a perfect place. What do you want from me Severus? What do you really want?" Her eyes never left his and in the face of her unwavering gaze he was unable to stop the truth from spilling from his own quivering lips.

  
"I want you. All of you." He cleared his throat, hoping that the rest of his words wouldn't come out as a broken whisper. "If this were a perfect world then I would say to hell with our age difference, or the disapproval we would face from everyone. I would have a little apothecary somewhere and I would research in my spare time. You would follow whatever career path you chose. In a perfect world I would properly court you. Flowers and presents. Long walks together. Quiet dinners. Hours long debates about the latest journal articles. Days filled with research and debates. Nights filled with you in my bed.

  
“But it is not a perfect world. I am the hated Headmaster. Murderer of the great Albus Dumbledore. Death Eater and the Dark Lords right hand man. I have done things, many things, that I am not proud us all to keep my place as a spy. I am the taciturn and belittling potion professor of nearly two generations of people who hated my teaching methods and would gladly hex me if they weren’t still so scared of me. I am nearly twice your age, which would be frowned upon in the best of times. I was your professor and no matter the truth there will always be talk about us having inappropriate relationship while you were still my student. They won’t only bad mouth me but you would not be able to live a normal life either. Even if I live there are too many reasons why we could never be more than friends. I planned on leaving this world behind without leaving anyone to mourn for me. I hoped that my passing would not bring anyone pain. ” Severus could see the pain in her eyes and it felt like a reflection of his own. He should have stopped speaking right then and there. Selfish is not a word that had been associated with him before but he felt it now. So the next words slipped out.

  
“I would only be able to give you a few short months. Then after I passed you will be left behind. You would have the chance to have a good life with a man your own age. The life you should have had if you had not been forced to be here with me. If you had never been given the chance to know me.”

  
Hermione sat quietly for so long Severus feared she might have decided to go back to ignoring him. I method of rejection he was familiar with. He was surprised to hear her speak. “In a perfect world you would have that Severus. You would have your apothecary and lab. I would be a researcher in charms most likely. We would have a little cottage somewhere warm. Maybe even after a few years we would start a family. A boy and a girl. We would read curled up together on the couch. Winky would provide a fresh pot of hot tea whenever we wished. I would drive you crazy by bringing my work home when I got close to a breakthrough. I would nag at you to keep your more odious potions ingredients out of the kitchen. We would spend our days getting to know each other’s minds and habits. We would spend our nights learning each other’s bodies and desires. Your perfect world sounds... perfect.

  
“The only difference between you and me is that I believe we could still have that. Once the world knows the whole truth they may never like you, but they will start to tolerate you. Especially when your research produces amazing things. You can even stock some potions in your apothecary and they will come. You may not be liked but everyone respects your talent in potions. As for the gossips and foul looks, I am used to them. I am close friends with two boys. I am sure even you have heard some of the rumors about me. Truth is I haven’t slept with either of them nor will I ever. No I am not an attention whore who only hangs around Harry for a bit of fame. You worry that the gossip with hurt me but I am used to it and wouldn’t let it affect me.

  
“Your age doesn’t bother me at all. It is frowned upon now but a twenty year age difference is nothing when you think about the fact that the average life span for a witch or wizard in nearly 200 years. It will only be taboo for a few years then people will stop noticing it. So your objections are all things I would gladly live with for a chance at a life with you.” She was sitting there calmly rejecting each and every reason that he had. The same ones that he had been telling himself for the last three days since he realized just how deeply he felt for the beautiful young woman before him. Since he realized just how strongly he desired her. The flicker of hope within him was trying to fight through a lifetime of self-doubt and misery however and it would take more than a few words to change his mind.

  
“Severus, look at me.” He looked up into her eyes and let her study him. Let her see the skepticism and even some of the self-loathing he had with in him. “Severus, I know that you would never agree for yourself so I am asking you to do this for me. Give me the chance to show you that we can have that perfect life.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them he saw that pain and realized how much the next words hurt her to say. “If you can’t promise me that now then at least promise to give me what time we do have. Let us plan on how to keep you alive so that we can have that life. Then when the time comes that you must die you can make the choice. You can make the choice to leave me or to stay with me. Just promise me that, for now, you will at least entertain the option of living beyond the war.”

  
He knew when the time came he would not be so selfish as to stay and force her into a life with him by her side. He would not darken the brightness that was her future by shackling her with his own dark past. However he could not deny her either. “I will agree to think about it. I will even accept your help in coming up with a plan. I will give you whatever relationship you desire until the time comes that the Dark Lord calls for my life. I cannot promise anything more than that.”

  
Severus watched as she took in his words. He saw the flicker of hope within her and cursed himself as a bastard for keeping that hope alive. However he also knew he would treasure every moment he had with her between now and then. He only hoped that she would forgive him someday and that she would not regret their time together. His thoughts were interrupted when she finally moved. She stood and walked closer to him and he watched her closely. Her cheeks were pink with nerves and she bit her lip. Her hips swayed in an unconsciously feminine way. He felt a stirring in his nether regions as she drew nearer, a look of resolution on her elfin features.

  
When she was close enough to touch he sat back and let his arms rest on the arms of the couch. She had to come to him. Not only because he needed to know that this was her choice but also because that darkness within him demanded it. She needed to be the one to come to him, to give in to him, completely. So he did not move except to keep his face turned to hers as she carefully climbed into his chair with him.

  
She carefully lowered herself to his lap and he was glad that she chose to sit on his thighs. If she had settled over his hips he did not know if he would be able to control himself from grinding into her. Already he was rock hard as her hands came to rest on his shoulders. She was biting her lip, plumping it and darkening it to a delicious red. He fixated on those lips as he held himself still beneath her. Ever so slowly she leaned forward and he closed his eyes, reveling in her nearness. The scent of coconut engulfed him as she brought her mouth close to his ear. He held back a moan as her breath wafted over his sensitive flesh. Then she spoke one little word. She barely whispered it and yet it broke all of his control. “Master.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Again sorry about the wait on this. I hope to have another chapter up before long now that the story is back on track. As always comments and kudos are appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know how I am doing. Comments and kudos are highly appreciated.


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